Speak Honest Podcast: Real Talk on Relationships, Attachment Styles & the Work of Healing Childhood Trauma

104. How to Get Clear on What You Want | Coaching Call with Cordelia (Part 3)

• Jennifer Noble, PCC | Relationship Coach, TEDx Speaker, & Best Selling Author • Episode 104

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What if the reason you feel stuck isn’t because you don’t know what to do… but because you’re afraid of choosing the wrong thing?

 In this coaching call with Cordelia, we talk about what it really looks like to get clear on what you want when fear, uncertainty, and old patterns keep pulling you in different directions. We unpack job search anxiety, shiny object syndrome, and the very real fear of ending up back in environments where you don’t feel heard. This episode is about slowing down, listening to your body, and learning how clarity actually creates safety, confidence, and forward momentum.

You might want to listen if:

  • You feel paralyzed by too many options and second guess every decision you make
  • You’re afraid of starting over because you don’t want to repeat past patterns
  • You keep chasing new ideas or opportunities but never feel fully settled
  • Your nervous system gets activated around work, money, or being “put in a corner”
  • You want to feel more confident standing up for what you want without over explaining or backing down


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DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for accuracy but are not liable for errors or outcomes from this information.


SPEAKER_01:

Hello, and welcome to Speak Honest. I am your host and certified relationship coach, Jennifer Noble. It has been my passion for over a decade to help women like you heal. What's been holding you back from having the relationship you deserve? Are you struggling with a relationship where you can't seem to voice your emotions, needs, and boundaries without having it blow up in your face? Then you have found the right podcast, my friend. Get ready for practical tips, empowering truths, and honest conversations. Now, let's dive in. Hello, ladies, and welcome back to another episode of Speak Honest. I'm Jen Noble, your go-to relationship coach and author of Dance of Attachment. And on today's episode, we are going to be checking back in with Cordelia. So today's episode is a continuation of a really meaningful coaching conversation because I'm sitting down with Cordelia for our third session together. And if you've listened to the first couple of episodes, you already know how thoughtful and self-reflective she is. And in this conversation, we really start to see what happens after the initial insight when real life sets back in and you have to actually move forward. In this session, we talk about Cordelia's job search and what it feels like to put yourself back out there after being burned or misunderstood or boxed in at work. We explore the nervous system fear that comes with starting over, especially the fear of ending up in the same patterns with bosses or environments where you don't feel heard. One of the biggest themes that we touch on is clarity, knowing what you want versus being pulled in a million different directions. We talk about shiny object syndrome. That's definitely something I have, squirrel brain, and how fear can quietly disguise itself as productivity or, you know, just keeping your options open, so to speak. You'll hear us work through what happens when you're half applying, half hesitating, and stuck in that exhausting middle space where nothing is actually moving forward. There's a lot in this episode about being heard, what it feels like in your body when someone truly listens to you, and how that becomes information you can use moving forward, and how learning to trust that feeling can actually help you guide better decisions, not just in work, but in your relationships too. And before we dive in, I want to invite you into the Speak Honest Academy. This is where we take conversations like this, and I help you apply them to your own life. Inside of the Academy, you get live coaching, real-time support, and tools to help you regulate your nervous system. It helps you to clarify what it is that you really want in life and communicate from a grounded, confident, and secure place instead of from fear or anxiety. So as you're listening to today's episode, I want you to think about this. Where in your life are you unclear about what you want? What are you afraid might happen if you fully commit to just one direction? And how does your body respond when you truly feel heard versus being dismissed? All right, now let's dive in. Hi, Cordelia. Welcome back. How have you been? Oh, not too bad. How about yourself? Yeah, things are going really well. So I know that last week we talked about that you wanted to really start amping up your job search. We wanted to start looking at LinkedIn and do all this stuff. So let me know how that's been going for you.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, you know what's not bad. It's a hit and miss. On the weekend, I did start amping it up. There was a couple of things I discovered new on LinkedIn, which is fabulous. There's a couple of things called easy apply. So you just literally click apply and it takes your profile and sends it to the company, to the hiring person. And now they have something new, which is really cool. That let's say you're not qualified for the job, but you're interested in finding out if perhaps they have other things or be thought about for future jobs, you could click on, I'm interested in learning about new opportunities. And instead of it just sending you job postings, it literally sends your profile to the recruiter to see if you match anything in their company that maybe they don't have posted or maybe they're thinking about.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, nice. How does it feel? Having found that, does it feel good?

SPEAKER_00:

Are you using it? I really like that. That's super cool. And then I discovered an article as I was going through just the regular things that I follow about jobs and environments and all these things, and it gave a list of ways to amp up your job search, which is supposed to be easy. So I kind of looked at some and they talked about sending a bunch of emails to recruiters, being able to send out resumes in bulk. Still sort of looking at it. It looked like as I sort of dived in, like the third-party app that it wants you to use, which I understand and wants you to pay for it. And I'm like, okay, it's interesting, but I don't know if I want to send a blank 300 emails. Yeah. Because when you're job hunting, especially nowadays, you know, the last 10 years or so, there's technology behind how they look at resumes. There's not a lot of people physically looking at them. So I'm a little concerned about that idea and it not being able to trigger the right companies or the right positions. But again, I haven't looked into it a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and that's okay, because we can look into that later. But if the goal for right now is just amping up your job search, it sounds like you did pretty good. How about like on a scale from one to ten? How satisfied are you with how much you amped up your job search this week?

SPEAKER_00:

No, not good enough.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, okay, good to know. So tell me a little bit more about that.

SPEAKER_00:

It's twofold. I mean, I did start going on and I saved a bunch of jobs, and then I hit apply to a bunch of jobs. And then part of it is a friend of mine is hosting a block party this weekend, and there's an opportunity to have like a little vendor table for free. And she knows I've been wanting to do essential oils again on the side. And I thought, well, here's an opportunity to get out on the side to build my side business. It doesn't cost me anything other than time to build my labels and finish putting together because I have the bottles, but I just don't have them branded yet properly. So I've been sort of working on creating my labels and how to get a landing page where people scan the QR code, they sign up for subscription to get your emails, and then they give a freebie for signing up. The last few days, I've been really trying to figure that out.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so that sounds like we went in a different direction at that point. So that's good. Let's I'm gonna put a pin in that one. We can come back to it. I think that's sounds great. The other aspects of last week that you wanted to work on, you wanted to start talking to various people, kind of like get your foot in the door in places. So, how did you do with that this week?

SPEAKER_00:

I did contact somebody on LinkedIn. She does personal brand coaching, and she's based out of the UK, and I guess her business is really booming. And she made a post about looking for help and what her requirements were. But instead of just sending her my resume, I sent her a message directly and saying, you know, okay, I I understand this is what you're looking for, these are some of my skills. Rather than just sending a resume that's gonna possibly get lost in the shuffle, would you be interested in maybe having a conversation and seeing how we could work together? Great. Yeah. So I didn't hear back from her, and and that's okay. I can I can follow up. It's been a few days now. You know, she probably all like everybody has their social media all like pre-planned. So of course it's got a million posts out there, but yeah, like that was interesting. And then the other day, when I used to do vendor events on the side a long time ago, like pre-COVID, there was one organizer that I'd sort of become friendly with. And I always enjoyed her, even though her vents weren't always successful for me. I enjoyed her, and she was always really helpful. And I remembered that in the summer, she usually does a market once a week downtown. So I thought, you know, I heard through the grave line, she's still doing market. So I went to look it up, and she is doing market, so I decided I know I've got a lot on the go. My head is swimming, I got so many things I want to do. But do I go now or do I go next time? And I thought, why wait? Because who knows what's gonna happen in a week or two. So grabbed the dog, went for a walk downtown. Lo and behold, I saw her. Like I had to walk by a couple of times, but I didn't see her at first, and then she immediately remembered me. We started chatting and we had a great conversation. You know, she's like, What are you up to next? You're doing all this. I'm like, I'm on a leave of absence, trying to figure out my next step. And when I told her one story particular, I go, it's just it's really frustrating when I'm just stating something I've heard or I've learned, and just giving it an opinion. I'm not asking you to change everything, but this is something I've learned or heard that could be interesting or beneficial to the company, and how the response I would get is is not for you to worry about. And she goes, An opinion is like a question. Tell me why it won't work, and then we could proceed from there. And I just wanted to kiss her. I'm like, I love that because that's fair. And she goes, You have my info, let's connect, let's go up for drinks, and let's talk about what we could do.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, great. So it sounds like you connected really well with her. It sounds like you guys have a lot of the same things in common. You're very what's the word I'm looking for? You're compatible. That's the word I'm looking for. That's perfect. Let's really feel that in our bodies real quick. That feeling of being compatible. You reached out to someone, you wanted to talk to various people. She was one of them. You said, Hey, why wait? You went out there and you did it. You risked the rejection that we talked about last time. You did all this stuff. How do you feel in your body having done that?

SPEAKER_00:

It kind of put me on a high. Great. It was good. And because I feel like she heard me made it even better.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. You felt heard in that moment. So, what does that teach us moving forward? What type of people in your life are you looking for? Exactly that, to be heard. To be heard, exactly. And that's the pattern. Yeah. So this right here is exactly it. So we set the goals, we work through them, we identify things we want to work on. You know, you said for amping up your job search, maybe you didn't do enough. Maybe you're at like a five out of ten. It sounds like for talking to people and getting yourself out there and getting past that fear of rejection, it sounds like you were up at a seven, the way that your body lit up as you're talking about it. And then we learn, okay, from this experience I learned, I'd like to do a little bit more job searching. But over here in the person department, oh, I really want to find people that make me feel heard. People that, as I'm talking to them, understand what I'm saying. That's huge. We want to use that and hold on to it, process it, package it up for later. So beautiful job. So, given all of that, given what we wanted to work on last week with your job search, how are you feeling based on that? How are you feeling with your job search? Is there anything more that you want to work towards? Do you feel good? Do you feel bad?

SPEAKER_00:

I'm petrified. Okay, go on, tell me more. I'm petrified. It's been a number of months, and although I know that some of my nervous system issues are starting to heal, I can feel some calmness. It's the starting over. I am and I'm not scared of starting over. I'm ready for the most part. I think the fear is falling back into somehow, somewhere that I have in the past, ending up with people that don't hear you or are just trying to throw you in a corner. Like that old dirty dancing thing, you know, nobody puts baby in the corner.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, exactly. That's my fear. Nobody puts Cordelia in a corner. No, yeah. Okay, I love this fear. This is gorgeous fear. Gorgeous because it's so real and it's so raw and it's so perfect, and it's also incredibly doable, right? The fear is that you are gonna fall back into some past pattern, whether people put you in a corner, whether they they box you in, whether you feel trapped again, whether there's gonna be people who are hellbent on misunderstanding you or gaslighting you or turning your words against you like has happened in the past. All of those are perfectly valid fears. So, what I want to work on with you today is what are some strategies that we can create today to help you feel safer if case those things happen. Because I'm gonna tell you right now, I hate to break it to you. It's absolutely gonna happen. Ah, I know. Bosses suck, companies are terrible, the workforce is the worst. People only want to hear themselves speak half the time. People are not gonna listen to you, you are not gonna feel understood, and bosses are absolutely gonna expect more of you than they should.

SPEAKER_00:

Which is why part of me was love to work for myself.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I've tried looking actually a little bit at virtual assistant worker, remote jobs. It's the catch 22. I gotta find out if I want to do some research in some of these companies that are offering you tips and tricks and options because they ask you for a payment, which I understand, but I want to know is this legit or is this just uh here, sign up for my program?

SPEAKER_01:

Can I stop us down there? Because I think this is something that's really important that I want to talk about and I want to make sure other people are really listening, is an important aspect to this of finding strategies for fear is not an avoiding that thing. And so I hear this, and that's not necessarily I know that's not what you're doing. And at the same time, working for yourself, you're gonna find the exact same patterns just elsewhere. You're still gonna be misunderstood, you're still gonna feel trapped, and you're still gonna feel like there's people that are not listening to you, and you're not gonna feel fulfilled because what's happening is inside of you. Your external reality will match that regardless. So we can change our external situation as much as we want to. But the truth of the matter is internally, those things are gonna keep happening if we don't figure out how to handle them. Okay, that's interesting. And we can work on places and ways to maybe get you to like have other jobs. But if that means we have to go pay new money, what's happening here is, and even with wait, our goal this week was let's go out there and find you like jobs on LinkedIn. And then we saw, oh, let's go over here instead. So, what something important that we could be doing is really getting focused on what is it that you're looking to do moving forward? And do we have a pattern of squirrel, brain, shiny new object? Do we have shiny object syndrome? I have shiny object syndrome, trust me. Because we're actually afraid to dive into the thing that like is scariest to us. So we spend money over here and we we do this and we listen to someone else, but we never actually move forward in life because of that fear. Now, I know that was heavy, I know that was big, I know that was difficult, but how is that resonating with you right now?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think the shining syndrome, like fear of the unknown. So you just jump into something else. Yeah, that's interesting. That's that's an interesting insight. Because in my mind it wasn't that, but I can see how externally when somebody else helps me process it, it it was that. Because to me it was like, okay, well, I'm trying this, but let me also try this. So then you're right, I kind of landed in the middle and then just stopped because it was like, what direction do I go in? So now the shiny syndrome is like there's no shiny.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and it's true, and it's based on your words of saying, I didn't feel like I did enough in my job search. And again, let's just pull it back real quick, bigger picture. What is our end goal here? You need money to survive, don't you?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

It is what it is. We need to get you money. And unfortunately, starting up a business, wanting to work for yourself, all of that actually takes money to do. It's a beautiful goal. We can get you there, but we would have to have a different plan. We'd have to get savings, we'd have to make sure that you have things set up, right? Like we can get you there, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00:

But for right now, what is your main goal? I did actually reach out to another recruiter that I had talked to months ago. I had sent her an email a few weeks ago, and for some reason she didn't get it, apparently. And so I sent her a message on LinkedIn because we've talked to it a number of times. And I had said to her, based on a conversation that you and I had had in one of our sessions, was you know, I'd taken some time off work to heal. You know, I had fallen ill, but as per my counselor's recommendation, looking for remote work, and she responded, and then I said, you know, upon further thought, I know I said part-time, but if it's remote, I would consider full-time if it's the right job. And I know I said that for two reasons because of fear of like money, and then I thought I started thinking about like when I was sitting in an office. Was I glued to my computer and not being able to move for eight hours? Well, no, there's downtime. So once I started to really think about that, like it's not like I'm working for a call center that I have to be in, then maybe, maybe I can handle full time because if I need a 15-minute break to close my eyes and just regroup, I can do that.

SPEAKER_01:

That's great. I love this, I love this thought process because I know before we had we had talked about like what's most important to you, and your body was telling you at the time part-time. I cannot do full-time, so we're just gonna look part-time. But upon further digging into your fears and following them all the way out and reassuring yourself and showing yourself that you're in full control, you kind of saw, oh wait, if it's remote, I could do full-time. In person, it sounds like you still don't want to do full-time. Is that right? Correct.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, great. I started thinking most days I struggle even being awake for 12 hours. So in my mind, I get up, you know, deal with the animals, walk the dog, get dressed, get ready for work, the commute to work, all of that, plus the stress at being there is too much for my body.

SPEAKER_01:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00:

No, that's perfect. So I thought, you know, yeah, it'll be it would be an adjustment, learning how to get up early and plugging in, but at least, you know, you can drink your 10 cups of coffee before you log in or whatever you have to do.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, you can log in in your PJs, you know what I mean? You could be cozy, you can have your blanket on. That it really remote work really does help, especially people with some sort of fears and anxieties around work. It's such a good thing. So I love this. Let's add this to your list of things that you want, which is a job that is remote that can be full or part-time. It doesn't matter. So let's really hunker down this week on finding some remote jobs that fit in your category. So if we were to start shifting to what our goals are for next week, what can you be doing right now to look for that particular type of job? Is there like, I don't know what you have up there, like Indeed or any other like job search capabilities?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, we do have Indeed. That is a big thing. LinkedIn, there are recruiters, you know. So somebody recommended like going to more recruiting agencies, which I've done in the past. Okay. I could try again. I really logically there's no harm in trying again. Because I have gotten some good jobs through recruitment agencies. Oh, great. And I guess perhaps as we're talking out loud, instead It's in my head. It's that confidence and saying, like, this is what I want. And making sure that you can't force someone to hear you, but trying to your best to get them to actually hear you instead of just calling you and placing you in a job so they can get their commission.

SPEAKER_01:

Exactly. And here's an even more important part of what you're saying is when you know what you want, then you know how to keep standing up for it. But if we're uncertain, if we're like, oh wait, no, maybe I could do this. Oh, oh, they want to I said I wanted remote. I want remote. And oh, they're asking me to come in like three days a week. Oh, maybe I could. No. Uh-uh. Yeah. I had that moment. Right. Yeah. So it's absolutely okay for you to change your mind and decide you want to go full time because I heard you process in that moment why you're okay with full time. That's beautiful. That's no problem. But if they all of a sudden say to you, you want to do three days a okay, yeah, you have the job full time, but we want you in the office three days a week. And there's no processing first. There's no, wait, hold up. I need to understand. Wait, what can I ask for in return? Can I ask for more money? What can I, right? If there's no back and forth in this and you're just doing it, then that is coming from fear. So I just want to say I'm so proud of you for really noticing all of this stuff. Because when we know what we want, not only do we stand up for it, we attract it. Because when we're uncertain for what we want, then nothing in our life is actually being able to align itself to get there. So we've talked about this before in the program, but the reticular activating system, right? Let me do a little learning lesson for like a hot minute. That little tiny part in our brain, the RAS, the reticular activating system, it focuses on the thing that we're focused on. Okay. So if I said to you, Cordelia, how many red cars did you see this week? You couldn't answer me. You could be like, I don't know, make it up to. You're like, oh, I actually know my neighbor has a car. So I see that every day. Great. Okay. But now I say to you, I'm gonna give you$100 for every red car you see this week. When you come back next week, you tell me, and you take a picture of every red car, I will give you$100. How many red cars are you seeing now? Dozens. Right? Did the red cars change the amount of red cars that drive past you? No. Unless, like, you're really good at this game and you call up every single person you know with a red car and you tell them to drive down your street to make more money, in which case, hell yeah, girl, get it. But no, like that's the thing about the reticular activists. We have a tendency of focusing. So sometimes we see this stuff happen, right? And we we talk about the synchronicities, all of this stuff. It is, it can be source, universe, all that stuff. It's also just the way our brains focus on patterns. I say this because if I were to say to you something to the effect of like, I'm gonna give you a hundred dollars for every colored car you see, but I I don't know yet which color. I'll choose it later. Sometimes it's red, sometimes it's orange, sometimes it's pink. I changed my mind. Are you gonna be able to focus on one color of a car now?

SPEAKER_00:

No.

SPEAKER_01:

No. You're gonna be all over the place. And maybe you'll still be a little bit better. You have a little bit of focus. You'll be like, oh no, wait, hold on. I totally saw like some blue cars out there, Jen. Great. Here's some pictures I took. But also think of it this way: if you're like, no, I'm just gonna take a picture of every single car that goes by then, so I'm ready to go whenever Jen says what color it is, that's exhausting. Yes. Now you're doing nothing else. And you're not actually focused on what it is that you want. So when you said this, you said, I list out what I want and that this is good for you because now you know how to ask for that stuff and whatnot. I just wanted to really hunker that down, like like really pull that in for you to showcase that when you know what you want and you're certain about it, it starts to get attracted to you in so many different ways. Both because of the reticular activating system, also maybe because of the universe and synchronicities, also because other people see your confidence and they're like, hell yeah, I want that. I want that girl. She knows what she wants. It's attractive. Assertiveness, confidence, certainty is attractive in people. And so when you put that out there into the business world, they will love that and see it back. So, yes, I think is my long-winded answer of saying, I'm proud of you. Yes, understand what you want and why. I want remote work because right now I'm struggling with some health issues. They don't need to understand the health issues, but you really want to work. You know you're damn good at your job and you think it's a disservice to your organization or whatever it is you do that you can't work just because you happen to not be able to go in person. You want a remote job and you're happy if it's part-time or full-time. You might prefer part-time right now, just because you want to dip your toe back in, but you're not willing to give up an opportunity if it's full-time. Do you hear how I just like stated that?

SPEAKER_00:

Yes, and I think like I saved some of the jobs in a folder that were hybrid because I was doing the whole yes, no, yes, no, can I handle it? You know, and then and then I would go, could I do two days, but they want three days, and then then it was just it was viral, and it was one of those, I don't know, I don't know if I could even do that. So I wouldn't apply to those because I just I didn't feel it didn't go, yes, okay.

SPEAKER_01:

That's good. Don't apply to jobs that you don't want. Don't do it. Just immediately they say hybrid, let it go. You know how we talk about in the program for the girls that are dating, you know how we talk about the haystack method of dating, which is just like you're you're going through men on dating apps like as quickly as possible. Yes. I want you to haystack your jobs. Do you know what I mean? So just like keep going through them. Yep. If something says hybrid, I don't even want you to look at what it is because it's not what you want right now. Can we change our minds in two weeks' time? Absolutely. But if this week we're all over the place, we're not gonna be able to find our red cars. And I want you to find your red car just this week and next week. Let's start with this week and then we'll reassess next week. But for right now, I want us to really just like focus on what it is that you want. And so I don't have a number because I don't know how many jobs you can find, but if I want you to find as many jobs as you can that fit your wheelhouse, like fit your time that they need, you know, so much experience. You know what I'm trying to say, then your resume. And that actually is a job you want to do because it's remote and it's either part-time or full-time. And then next week I want to know what that number of jobs is because I want us to start like finding a way to set goals in that area of your life. Okay. And then maybe we just find two more the next week or two more the next week. Or you're like, oh, actually, it's like uh on a dating app. You're like, Jen, if I've swiped right on as many men as I possibly could, they're all gone. Great. Okay, now let's reassess. If you've done every single job and there's nothing there, now we must reassess. But until we get to that end point, we're gonna just be picky as hell. Yes. And we're gonna know what you want. And then from there, I'm hoping that gives you more open freedom opportunity to work on your essential oil business.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

And have fun with that. So give me a goal that you want to do this week as well for the essential oil. So it's a goal and it's not like a shiny op. This sounds so important to you. I really loved it.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. I've just been taking the ones I've had, and I thought, you know, a great way to get myself out there since people don't know who I am. Just because I'm lower cost doesn't mean they're necessarily you don't want to buy, especially a bigger bottle. So I thought, you know, what are my some of my bigger bottles that I can make into like small five mil bottles? And that way people could buy those at less expensive. So maybe it's eight dollars instead of like 25, and it's a little bit easier to purchase. That's great.

SPEAKER_01:

Now, let me ask you this. When would you have a table? Like when is that? This Saturday. This Saturday. Okay, so we're gonna focus on that. So in like two days, right? Yeah. Great. So this is where we can set very cool intentions, which is if this is your call, I would say, you know, today, tomorrow, Saturday, don't worry about LinkedIn stuff. Don't worry about that stuff. You need to put your full focus onto these oils right now so you can make it so your side hustle. So you can make a little extra cash. That's great. But you see how now we're very intentional about doing that. Yes. And then come Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday till we talk again. That gives you about what, four days to really go gung-ho on figuring out, okay, here's some jobs, here's the remote ones, here's the part-time ones. I'm gonna pull in, you'll come in next Thursday and have like say to me, Jen, I found 10 jobs. I don't even know if that's possible. I literally have no reference point to how many jobs you can find. So, like, hi to I'm making shit up.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't know, but that's funny. I was just thinking 10 too, but you never know. Like sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. Okay, great. Right there.

SPEAKER_01:

Who knows? But it is a goal. You're gonna find 10 jobs that fit your criteria of what you want. And then if on Thursday you're like, shit, Jen, I could only find two, great. We need to have a starting point. Yes. Here's the thing about goals, and I'll wrap this up here for one last little learning lesson for anyone listening in and for yourself as well, Cordelia. Here's the thing about goals. We're not supposed to reach them all the time. I know this is gonna sound radical. We have this like perfectionism trauma inside of our system that like we set goals, and if we don't reach those goals, and just to be very clear, I'm still struggle with this. So when I speak about this, I speak about it from my true heart self. Like I understand that this is frustration and very difficult. When we set goals and we don't reach those goals, we feel frustrated with ourselves. We feel sad or upset or angry or insert your feeling here. But the truth of the matter is, goals are only ever supposed to just be like an audit. It's just a marker that we've put down to see what we can do and why can't we do it. And if we can really get ourselves to a place of understanding that nothing is really personal and everything is just an experiment, then we'll say, okay, let's go out and try to find 10 jobs. I'm not even asking you to necessarily apply for them. I'm just asking for you to find them, right? I can apply if you want to. You can let me know how that goes. But my my simple goal right here, my SMART goal, right? So we have our SMART goals, which are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. That's what SMART goals stand for. Which just means here's something that we can actually do. Here's something that we could get done, here's something that's measurable. 10. 10 is a very measurable number. It's realistic. At least I think. Like I said, it's a bit arbitrary to me. I actually don't know, but I think 10 seems realistic. It's timely. We can get 10 done in a week. So this sounds like a beautiful, smart goal. If on Thursday you come back and you say, Jen, I only found two and I'm devastated. Great. Because that's what we need to work with. We have to get to that place where we feel something when we don't reach our goal, or we feel something when we've surpassed our goal. But that's the thing. Goals are never actually meant to just like hit the line and be done. Goals are very arbitrary. You either don't reach them or you've bypassed them. And our feelings behind that, our judgment of it, is what teaches us even more about ourselves. And so that's the goal. So, with all of that said, let me hear from you real quick. What are your goals this week?

SPEAKER_00:

So when I am job hunting, uh when it comes to things like hybrid, I'm not even gonna open the position. If it says in the header, anyways, that it's hybrid, I'm not even gonna open it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, great job.

SPEAKER_00:

We're gonna haystack the job search. Yes, we are haystacking job searching. Yes, right. And I try sometimes, I click on remote, but still it's how they word the job, so you never know. But understanding why and what you want, so really putting that energy out there of the why and what you want, and just start applying. And really, there are nowadays like the AI sites are you know, I don't even know how Chat GPT does with resumes, but just to kind of help revamp or reword a couple of things maybe that suit the job so you could revise the physical resume to send it in. There are some free options to help you with that.

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. Yeah, and you know what? And we can do that, and we can if you are gonna start applying, do what it is that you need to do. But our goal right now is just finding those 10 jobs you want. Just start attracting the jobs you want. And then when we're not getting them or something's happening, we'll tweak that. But when it comes to like, you know, science and research, we only really tweak one variable at a time. So we don't even know necessarily what is or isn't happening in terms of getting a job or not getting a job. So what we're gonna do is first find the jobs. Now that you know what you want, we're just gonna start there one step at a time. Apply, don't apply again. That one doesn't bother me. We'll figure that one out next week. But if you end up applying, great. And if you want to look into other stuff, also great. But always remember your end goal. Don't get sidetracked and forget the 10 jobs instead. Does that make sense? Yes. Perfect. All right, is this a good place for us to wrap up for today?

SPEAKER_00:

This is amazing. Excellent.

SPEAKER_01:

All right. Thank you so much, Cordelia, and I will speak with you next week, okay? That sounds fantastic. Looking forward to it. All right, take care. You too. As we wrap up today's conversation with Cordelia, I really want you to notice how much growth happened here without anything being perfect or fully figured out. There wasn't some big dramatic breakthrough. There wasn't a final answer. What there was was clarity, honesty, and a willingness to slow down and actually listen to what her body was telling her. One of the biggest takeaways from this session is that fear doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. Fear often shows up when we're about to do something new, something more aligned, something that would actually break an old pattern. Cordelia, she's not afraid of working. She's not afraid of being capable. She's afraid of ending up being unheard again. Afraid of being boxed in again, of put in a corner. And that fear makes so much sense. What I loved about this session is how we shifted from avoiding the fear to building strategies for when it inevitably shows up. We're not pretending bad bosses don't exist. We're not pretending disappointment won't happen, but asking, how do I keep myself grounded when it does? That's where the real healing happens. If you notice yourself nodding along during this episode, especially around being misunderstood, starting over or feeling stuck in the middle of too many options, you're not alone. This is exactly the kind of work we do inside of the Speak Honest Academy. We slow things down, we get curious instead of judgmental, and we help you build the nervous system capacity to move forward without abandoning yourself. If this episode resonated, I'd love for you to join us inside of the Academy. You don't have to do this work alone anymore, and you don't have to have it all figured out before you start. So finally, as you move forward throughout the rest of your day, I want you to carry this with you. You don't need certainty to take the next step. You need clarity, compassion, and the willingness to listen to yourself. All right, everyone, I'll speak with you next week. Take care. As we wrap up today's conversation, always remember that healing is a journey, not a destination. And it is an honor to be a part of your healing journey. If you want to dig deeper into the topics we covered today, be sure to head over to our show notes, where you can find all of the valuable information mentioned in today's episode right there. And please remember to rate, review, and subscribe if you enjoyed today's podcast. Your feedback means the world to us and helps others discover our podcast. Until next time, remember to speak up and speak honest.

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Jennifer Noble

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