86. The 3 Reasons You Need Community to Heal Your Attachment Style

Are you trying to heal your attachment style all on your own? In this episode, I’m breaking down why community is the missing piece so many women overlook when it comes to growing, healing, and building healthier relationships. I’ll share the three biggest reasons community matters, plus give you a peek into how our Speak Honest Membership helps women feel safe, supported, and seen every single week.

You might want to listen if:

• You’ve been trying to do all the self-work alone and still feel stuck
• You crave connection but worry about being “too much” or “not enough”
• You start strong with healing but struggle to keep momentum
• You want accountability that actually feels supportive, not pressuring
• You long for a circle of women who truly understand and reflect your experiences

FIND OUT MORE!

• Grab Your Copy of the #1 Best Selling Book --> Dance of Attachment
• Apply for FREE Podcast Coaching with Jenn
• Join our FREE Community! Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
• Become a Speak Honest Member and access all you need to become secure.
• Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
• Watch Jenn on the 🔴 TEDx Stage!
• Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
• Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest
• Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!

DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for accuracy but are not liable for errors or outcomes from ...

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Speak Honest Podcast
• 1:19 Why Community Matters in Healing
• 2:01 Mirrors: Seeing Yourself Through Others
• 3:35 Accountability and Momentum in Community
• 6:05 Belonging Heals Attachment Wounds
• 9:31 Speak Honest Membership Opportunity
• 14:15 Episode Closing and Call to Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Hello and welcome to Speak Honest. I am your host and certified relationship coach, jennifer Noble. It has been my passion for over a decade to help women like you heal. What's been holding you back from having the relationships you deserve? Are you struggling with a relationship where you can't seem to voice your emotions, needs and boundaries without having it blow up in your face? Then you have found the right podcast, my friend. Get ready for practical tips, empowering truths and honest conversations. Now let's dive in.

Speaker 1: 0:39

Hello, ladies, and welcome back to another episode of Speak Honest. I'm Jen Noble, your go-to relationship coach, and on today's episode we are diving into something that doesn't get talked about enough when it comes to healing and growing in our relationships, and that's community. Because here's the thing you can read all the books, listen to the podcast and do tons of self-reflection, but if you're doing it in isolation, you're missing out on one of the most powerful pieces of the puzzle, because healing wasn't meant to be a solo project. And right now, that couldn't be more important Because the doors to my Speak Honest membership are open until the end of September. This is your chance to join an incredible circle of women who get it, women who will support you hold space for you and walk this journey with you. I'll tell you more about that at the end of the episode, but for now, let's talk about why community matters so much. I'm going to give you three big reasons why having a support group of women around you can completely change the way that you grow, heal and show up in your relationships. So let's dive in, all right. So today I want to talk about the power of community because, honestly, it's one of the most underrated parts of healing, and I'm going to give you three reasons why community is so important. All right, community gives you mirrors, not just cheerleaders. It's so important to find a community where you can actually reflect back what it is that's going on in your life. Community also gives you accountability and momentum that you don't get in isolation. And, lastly, community heals the deep down wound of not belonging. So let's break each one of these down.

Speaker 1: 2:23

When you're in a group, it's not just people saying you got this, you got this girl, let's do this, like that's really helpful, but it's people reflecting things back to you that you might not have noticed. You hear a woman share her story and suddenly it's like oh my gosh, that's me, that's my pattern. That reflection is so powerful. On your own it's easy to minimize or excuse your behavior, but when someone else holds up that mirror through their own story, it helps you see yourself more clearly and sometimes even gives you the breakthrough you didn't know you needed. Now this happens so often in our Speak Honest membership. Oftentimes someone will come in to our group coachings that we hold every Tuesday and Thursday evenings and they'll tell their story. Maybe it's a date they went on, maybe it's a fight they had with their husband, or maybe it's a problem they're having at work. And through their story and through our coaching, all of a sudden you hear all these other women are saying that helped me so much. Thank you so much for sharing, for your vulnerability. Thank you for sharing your tears and your problems and your issues, because when I heard your story, I saw a part of myself. This happens every week inside of our program and that's why it's so important to have those mirrors.

Speaker 1: 3:35

The second part of community is the accountability and momentum that you get from being held in a space like this. See, healing and isolation. Can feel like stop and go traffic right. You're like okay, it's time to go, wait, oh no, hold on and it's overwhelming. It can make you feel nauseous, even right, you move forward, then you stall. But when you're in a supportive group, there's built-in accountability. Think about it when you know the group is going to ask how that boundary conversation went, you're more likely to actually have it. That kind of accountability turns intentions into action, and that's what we do inside of the Speak Honest membership. It's not just about accountability, it's about momentum. See, when you see someone else trying something brave, it actually inspires you. When another woman shares her small win maybe a conversation she had with her husband or the ability to set a boundary on a date you realize you can have that same thing too. And that collective energy carries you in a way that you can't create by yourself.

Speaker 1: 4:39

And that's one thing we do a lot in the program. Not only do you come into the membership and you get the community, but because we have a 12-step program that you work through in order to become secure by the end of it, to at least have all the tools to be secure by the end of it, what you get is the accountability. We have homework every single week and oftentimes I just give this program out to people, right, I sell it on the side, but nobody does the work. And I started thinking what does this program need in order for women to actually integrate the work? And that's accountability. So every week, especially when we go through our cohorts, we are doing it together. Module one, where you have to set your goals and intentions, we are doing it together. And that accountability of seeing other women pick up their pens or type out their goals and intentions in their own Google doc worksheet, that gives you the momentum to do it as well. And this part of community is often overlooked, because that accountability isn't just about having a coach to hold you accountable and tell you make sure you do this. It's about all the other women, because you get inspired when you see that woman over there doing her thing. And you get inspired when you see that woman over there struggling and you're like, oh, I struggle too. And next thing, you know all of us are together building and working momentum to get to the relationships and the lives that we deserve. And that's the key part about this is I want you to see that within community, you actually get a chance to be held accountable in a way you just can't do it in isolation.

Speaker 1: 6:05

And now the last point, point number three, which is belonging, heals the wound All right. So oftentimes we have what are called attachment wounds inside of us, and what this means basically is all these labels like I'm not enough or I don't belong, or I will never be loved or I'm unworthy. These attachment wounds, they hold us back from who we can actually be. And at the heart of so many attachment struggles is the fear that we don't belong. It's one of our key human qualities is that we want to belong in society and in community. But what happened as a child? We were too much, we weren't enough, we were annoying, we were too quiet, we're too shy, we're too loud, all of these things that got labeled inside of us that we still carry today.

Speaker 1: 6:53

But when you step into a community and week after week you are met with acceptance, compassion, support, then something starts to shift. Support, then something starts to shift. Your nervous system literally starts to learn that you do belong, that you are enough. Your brain is rewiring to feel safe in connection, to feel safe in community, to feel safe in conflict and rupture. We are not without our conflicts, even in the Speak Honest community. We have had plenty. But you know what we do when we rupture. We come back together and we repair.

Speaker 1: 7:30

And something I teach in the program is the concept of rupture and repair and relationships. You need to be able to have repair to build resilience. But what are you repairing, right, if there's no rupture? So the ruptures are beautiful, they're wanted, they're needed. I don't want us to be afraid of them and that's what belonging brings to you. It teaches you that, oh my gosh, I can be imperfect, I can rupture, I can get upset, I can be mad, I can say this isn't what I wanted today. And then I come back into the community. We hold space for you, we love you, we see you, we hear you, we make you feel safe, seen and supported.

Speaker 1: 8:13

And the next thing you know, you're repairing that relationship and you're building the resilience you need to carry that forward. And it's not just something nice that happens right, it's healing, it's literally rewiring your mind. See, belonging in a safe community rewires your capacity to feel belonging everywhere. So you start feeling like you belong with us inside of the Speak, honest, membership. And the next thing you know, you feel like you belong in your real life friendships, in your family, in your romantic relationships, at work, at school, wherever it is that right now you're feeling that kind of pit in your family, in your romantic relationships, at work, at school, wherever it is that right now you're feeling that kind of pit in your stomach when you think about it and you're like I don't want to go there again because it makes me uncomfortable. That's what we work on inside the program and inside the program you get these three things right. You get the mirror that helps you see yourself to reflect things back to you. You get the accountability and the momentum and you get the healing with that deep down belonging feeling that you so desperately want and you absolutely deserve Mirrors, momentum and belonging. That is part of the membership and, honestly, that's exactly why I am so passionate about it and I want to be able to share it with as many women as possible. All right, so we talked about how community gives you mirrors. We talked about accountability and momentum and we talked about the most powerful thing, which is healing that deep down wound of not belonging. And, honestly, that's what I see inside of my membership every single week Women who come in feeling like they had to do this healing alone.

Speaker 1: 9:51

The whole time they were tired, overwhelmed, second-guessing themselves, and then suddenly they're surrounded by others that say, oh my gosh, me too, that's what I do, I get it. And then something shifts. You can literally see it in their faces, in their body language, in their shoulders. As they feel the relief, as the weight is lifted, they stop apologizing for feeling too much. In fact, oftentimes when you first start the program, you see it a lot in women. When they first come in, they'll take up space, right, they'll share about their day, and then they'll be like, oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to take up so much time. That's the one of the very first things that we stop in the program. As I say no apologizing. You get to take up as much time as you need and you trust me as the coach to facilitate that time. If I think it's time for us to wrap up, I'll tell you that. But look at that, look how often, as women, we apologize for just taking up space, and that's what we work on. We want us to ourselves to start believing hey, maybe I am enough, maybe I really can do this thing and I could do this differently and I can get these relationships that I deserve. And that's why I created this space Because healing and isolation is just so much harder than it has to be when you're in a circle of women who get it. The growth is faster, it's deeper and it's so much more sustainable it actually lasts.

Speaker 1: 11:09

Now here's the thing the doors to my membership are open until the end of September. I don't want to get you in, which means this is your window. If you've been on the fence, if you've been listening to this podcast, thinking, gosh, I wish I had a place like that, I wish I could be coached by Jen, I wish there was a safe place for me to heal in where I could be myself, then this is it. Inside the membership, you get live twice weekly support from me where we tackle the real issues you're facing. We do this on Tuesdays and Thursday evenings. If you want to know more information about that, you can reach out to me, but basically it's Tuesdays at 6.30 PM and Thursdays atm. We also do this thing on Fridays, where I meet with you one-on-one for 15 minutes every once in a while, whenever you feel like you just need to pick me up, because in my membership, you will never be alone. You will never be just a number. In fact, right now, we only have 20 women in the program and I'm only accepting five more by the end of September. So if you want to be a part of this, then reach out to me, go into the show notes, click on that link and sign up. If that link is still working, it means there's still space, okay, and I want you to be a part of this with us.

Speaker 1: 12:17

This is a safe, intimate group of women who are walking the same path with you. You have access to replays, resources, tools you can use anytime you need them and, most importantly, you get free access to the Relationship Reboot Program. This is the 12-step process that I have created that moves you from a non-secure attachment stance into a secure attachment stance right? So if you're familiar with your attachment stance, those are anxious, avoidant, disorganized, one of those non-secure ones, most likely if you've been struggling in your relationships, if you've been doing the same dumb shit over and over again, with the same patterns, with the same man and different face or whatever it is. This is what we do we move out of those patterns and into a more secure stance. Imagine closing out this year not feeling like you're white knuckling it through all your relationships, but actually having a circle of women to lean on, to celebrate with and to remind you that you're not alone.

Speaker 1: 13:18

So here's my invitation Don't wait. If you know this is what you need, come join us. You can go to speak-honestcom slash membership or you can scroll on down to the show notes where you can find the link. Right now, head over to my website, grab your spot before the doors close, and we would love to have you.

Speaker 1: 13:37

I want to welcome you in. I want to meet you face to face on our calls and I want to watch you experience for yourself the power of community. I want to watch you experience for yourself the power of community Because, remember, you were never meant to do this alone. Healing is a dance and you don't have to dance by yourself anymore. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. I cannot wait to see some of you inside of the membership Until next time. I'll speak with you later. Take care, as we wrap up today's conversation, always remember that healing is a journey, not a destination, and it is an honor to be a part of your healing journey. If you want to dig deeper into the topics we covered today, be sure to head over to our show notes, where you can find all of the valuable information mentioned in today's episode right there, and please remember to rate, review and subscribe if you enjoyed today's podcast. Your feedback means the world to us and helps others discover our podcast. Until next time, remember to speak up and speak honest.