Speak Honest Podcast: Real Talk on Relationships, Attachment Styles & the Work of Healing Childhood Trauma
Are you ready to heal your attachment style, master healthy communication, and create secure, fulfilling relationships? Subscribe now to uncover the secrets of secure attachment, navigate the challenges of trauma recovery, and improve your communication skills in love and life. In each episode of the Speak Honest podcast, we’ll dive into attachment styles, emotional healing, and proven strategies for deeper connection. It’s time to break free from the cycle of heartbreak and start building the relationships you deserve.
Speak Honest Podcast: Real Talk on Relationships, Attachment Styles & the Work of Healing Childhood Trauma
73. The Truth About Breakups No One Wants to Tell You... My Conversation with Lucy Price
Ever felt like you should be over your ex by now, but you can’t stop thinking about them? Wondered why you keep checking their stories, or worse, found yourself spiraling into a breakup rabbit hole of “what ifs” and “maybes”? In this honest and raw conversation, I sit down with breakup recovery coach Lucy Price to pull back the curtain on what really happens when we’re stuck in the heartbreak loop. We talk about the sneaky ways grief shows up after a breakup, why trying to win your ex back might be the wrong goal, and how to shift from obsessing over them to reclaiming you. This is a must-listen if you’re ready to get real about healing and stop wasting energy on someone who’s no longer in your life.
You might want to listen if:
- You can’t stop checking your ex’s social media and wondering what it means
- You’ve spent hours Googling “how to get my ex back” and feel stuck in the cycle
- You’re feeling more lost after a breakup you chose to end
- You’ve been told to “just cut him off” but it doesn’t feel that simple
- You’re ready to stop chasing him and start chasing your own healing
FIND OUT MORE!
- Apply for FREE Coaching with Jenn
- Join the DANCE CIRCLE - Get updates on Jenn's debut book "Dance of Attachment"
- Join our FREE Community! Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
- Become a Relationship Reboot Member and access all you need to become secure.
- Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
- Watch Jenn on the 🔴 TEDx Stage!
- Download your free Workbook: Dance of Attachment
- Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
- Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest
- Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!
DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health ...
Hello and welcome to Speak Honest. I am your host and certified relationship coach, jennifer Noble. It has been my passion for over a decade to help women like you heal. What's been holding you back from having the relationships you deserve? Are you struggling with a relationship where you can't seem to voice your emotions, needs and boundaries without having it blow up in your face? Then you have found the right podcast, my friend. Get ready for practical tips, empowering truths and honest conversations. Now let's dive in.
Speaker 1:Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Speak Honest. I am Jen Noble, your go-to relationship coach, and on today's episode I have a special guest I am so excited to bring on breakup recovery coach Lucy Price. Now, lucy is a breakup recovery and relationship coach specializing in helping individuals heal from heartbreak, rebuild confidence and create fulfilling lives with or without a partner. She has helped over 100 hundred clients in the last three years. Lucy combines compassionate guidance with practical strategies to navigate breakups, cultivate self-love and gain clarity for the future. Her approach empowers clients to move forward with confidence and embrace their next chapter, and I was so excited to have Lucy on the podcast because I think her work with breakup recovery is something that really meshes well here at Speak Honest with attachment styles and communication issues and everything going on, because there's so many women that come to me after a breakup and they really want to go out there, they want to jump in, they want to get in their next relationship, but oftentimes I'm thinking, whoa, whoa, whoa. We need to slow down, like we need to back up real quick and we need to heal from the breakup first. So I think if you are someone out there and you've recently had a breakup, then really listen to this conversation that I'm having with Lucy and I want you to check in. We talk about some personal stories that both of us do, which I think are fantastic. So you can see that even coaches have been through this and that's how we know what to do and that's how we understand what it feels like when you're in that heartbreak, because we've been there and then we went out and we did the work and we did the research and we got the credentials and we got all the certificates and spent all the hours to really go out there and figure out okay, how can we help other women through this as well? And so if you're out there and you're going through a breakup, someone like Lucy would actually be a beautiful coach for you to start off with. You go through her program, you go through her work, you figure out a really recover from this breakup and then, when you're ready and you're ready to go back out there and you're ready to get back in relationship, then that's where the relationship reboot program is a perfect opportunity to jump in. That is the best time to come in Now.
Speaker 1:The relationship reboot program is our program here at Speak Honest. It is a 12 step program that takes you through everything you need to become secure and it is such a fantastic way to learn how to break free from your toxic patterns that have been holding you back in the relationships. So if you are out there right now and you are wanting to get the help, let's say you've been through the breakup, you've been through the recovery and you are ready for that next step, you are ready to go into your next relationship, ready to be secure, ready to be seen, ready to be safe, then I invite you to come and join the Relationship Reboot program. You can go to speak-honestcom slash relationship reboot or you just scroll down to the show notes and click on the link down there to learn a little bit more. We would love to have you in the program, so if that is something that you want, please reach out at any time Now.
Speaker 1:I hope that you enjoy my conversation with Lucy. Hi everyone, thank you so much for being back on here on the Speak Honest podcast. I'm so excited today because I have a special guest and I have a breakup recovery coach with us today Lucy Price. Lucy say hi, introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 2:Hello, it's so good to be here. My name is Lucy Price. I am exactly what you said a breakup recovery coach. I've helped over 100 people in the last three years to get over their exes, heal from heartbreak and move forward, and I love chatting about all things relationships so I'm so happy to be here.
Speaker 1:Oh, that is so fantastic and I love to hear. So. You got started about three years ago, is that right?
Speaker 2:I got started about five years ago and then before that I was a health coach, so I've been coaching for a total of, I would say, about seven, eight years.
Speaker 2:At this point, which is just wild to see how long you like start counting and you're like wait a second, how long have I been doing this? Yeah, yeah. So I was a health coach for about two, three years and then, when the pandemic happened, everything shut down, so all of my work was in person in gyms and businesses, and so after that I transitioned online and I noticed that a lot more people were coming to me for general life coaching, which then turned into relationship coaching, and, just based off of my own history around relationships and around my own heartbreak, it became a very natural fit to transition into relationship coaching. So I've been doing that since about 2020. And, in the last three years, very focused around breakups in particular.
Speaker 1:I love that pivot for you as a coach and I know I have a lot of coaches that listen as well to the podcast. So I really love how you were able to kind of take what you already noticed was a problem out there. You know people were looking for it and you're able to shift and pivot, and I heard you say it also had to do with a little bit of your own experience.
Speaker 1:And I'd love to get into that and I'll share a little bit about my experience. But definitely anyone that knows my story knows this all started back in, also 2020, when the world is shutting down, but also, for some odd reason, my boyfriend at the time decided to break up with me in the exact same moment. So I'm heartbroken, I'm devastated and I'm, you know, sitting in my bed with no pants on, drinking as much as I possibly can, and I'm constantly Googling how to win my ex back. And so how common do you find this in your work for women, do you do? Is that how women find you?
Speaker 2:I think it's so common to want to try and win your ex back. I think that is one of the top things that so many of my clients experience. And some of my clients will even come to me and they'll ask me you know, I know you you work with helping people get over their ex. But I want to keep the door open for me and my ex getting back together. And I always tell people like that is possible.
Speaker 2:You can do the work to heal from the heartbreak, you can process the breakup, you can move forward and you can still leave that door open.
Speaker 2:But over time you may realize that you actually don't want to leave the door open anymore in the process. And I think that can be scary for people sometimes to realize like, oh, if I really do move forward, I'm really saying goodbye to this person. But it's so common like people will be a few months into the work we do together and they'll realize like, oh, that person really wasn't the one or I was, you know wanting to try and win them back because I was afraid of what this new reality meant and I was mourning the loss of the future I thought I was going to have with them and I was mourning the loss of who I thought they were and the fantasy version I had with them. So it's so common to be sitting in bed trying to numb out, trying to figure out how to win your ex back and I would say that's way more common than we give any credit for Most of my clients have some version of that.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing that, just for normalizing it, for helping other women see that this is a perfectly normal place to get to. I'll often say I went into this work trying to win my ex back and instead I won myself back.
Speaker 1:So if that's what happens. That's what happens. But you know what I love most about your work, lucy, and I highly recommend anyone go and check out your stuff. We'll drop all the information in the show notes and you'll tell us more later. But what I got sucked into and I just want to be very open and honest about the coaching spaces out there right now is I got sucked into coaches who told me I can get you your ex back. And what I love about your work so much and why I really wanted you on this podcast, was your honesty, the way that you're real about it and you're like no, let me help you get over him. And, like you said, it's absolutely everybody's choice when that happens. But you're not giving them false hope that you can win their ex back. You literally can. Can you speak on?
Speaker 2:that a little bit. I have a million different thoughts that I can speak to about this. I think I'm going to give a frank opinion. I think that anyone guaranteeing that they can get you your ex back. I need you to see the red flags around that, because there's so much that goes into a relationship and there's so much that goes into rebuilding and getting back together with your ex.
Speaker 2:I do think it is possible to get back together with your ex. I do think it is possible to get back together with your ex. But I also think that healing and processing the breakup is necessary in a way for that to happen, because otherwise you're entering back into the relationship with the same mindset, the same patterns, the same dynamics that led to the erosion of the relationship and eventually the breaking of the relationship and eventually the breaking of the relationship in the first place. And I think that when there are coaches out there speaking on, I can get your ex back. You know you need to just improve your appearance and play hard to get, and play these games, Just be softer, just say these words text less, text more text this, do that, wear this.
Speaker 2:It's great marketing, but that's what it is. It's marketing and I think that there's just a lot more nuance that goes into relationships and it's a big disservice to you to get sucked into that, because you deserve to heal and if you want to get back together with your ex, if that's something that's on the cards, it just takes more than sending the right text or giving the right energy for that to happen. I don't know, I always go back to it's great marketing, but I do think it's just marketing and there are things that you can do to rebuild a relationship and to begin those conversations. And also I find, with a lot of the material out there that's talking about like I can get you your ex back it's not actually tools and resources that are helping you heal and look at your patterns and look at what you're being attracted to. It's saying the right quote unquote thing, or dressing the right way or, like you said, being softer, being more this or that. Put pink on, wear a dress.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, just to like, keep it very transparent between us. Like in that beginning, when I was at my lowest and I was most susceptible to all of these things, I mean I dropped a couple grand on these kind of like feminine coaches teaching me how to win him back, what to do. All these things you're saying are like hitting me right in the dagger, in the heart as well, in terms of talking about like, oh yeah, say this, don't say this, wear this, don't wear this. And I just want to really showcase to people that there's a way to break up, to recover from that breakup. And still, yes, if you want to get back together with him, of course, but breakup, recovery does not indicate, you know, breakup forever or cut him out of your life. Like you can even still stay.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm such a big proponent for staying friends with your ex, like I'm just like very radical in this world, but it's like, I don't know, maybe because I like all of my exes. They're still my friends, so maybe I'm projecting. But people come to me and they're like you know, conventional wisdom says if you break up with someone, you can't talk to them ever again, you have to go. No contact, all of this, so I'd love to hear your opinion. What are your thought processes on being staying friends with an ex? Is it possible, even?
Speaker 2:I do think it's possible and I think that we get really touchy about this in society, we get really guarded, we get really just fidgety about it and it's interesting to me. So I have a few different thoughts around it. The first thought I have around it is it's not possible for everybody to never talk to their ex again, and I think that's where I love working with my clients who are co-parents because they have to see their ex. The court has ordered that they must pass off their kids on this date, at this time, at this place, and so sometimes never seeing your ex again or never talking to your ex again, it's just not actually easy. Sure, someone could argue like, well, you always have a choice. And it's like, yeah, you do always have a choice. And also, if you want to do right by your child and make sure that's clean energy in terms of passing them back and forth, like there's a certain amount of engagement with your ex that is needed there. And so I think that that kind of takes me in the direction to people who say just go no contact, that's the only way you can get over your ex is by going no contact. It's like that's not true.
Speaker 2:There's plenty of people who have been in touch with their ex and engaged with their ex, who have been able to also move on from their ex while maintaining some level of contact, and it's just not possible for everybody to go completely no contact. So what do you do then, you know, do they just not get to heal and get over their ex? No, of course there's a way. So I think that you know, in general, we get really touched about it. So I think that you know, in general we get really touched about it, about being friends with an ex. But I will say me personally, there are some exes that I never want to talk to again and there are also some exes that I mean I hung out with my boyfriend of five years and my ex and his new partner yesterday.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's fantastic.
Speaker 2:I love that Exactly, and it's like you know, him and my ex have been friends for like 15 years. Oh, that's fantastic. And the world, in my opinion, is way more nuanced than that and we live in a gray area all the time. If you had a good relationship with your ex and you can truly detach and can take out whatever elements you feel need to be taken out, such as romance or attraction or whatever it is, I do think you can still be friends with your ex. I don't think everybody's gonna like it necessarily, but all that matters is that you feel good about your relationships with them.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for sharing that personal story about hanging out with your ex and then with your partner, because you brought up something that I kind of heard you saying throughout this as well. I loved how you said bringing a clean energy into that relationship. I co-parent with my ex-husband and, yeah, like being able to have that kind of friendship now between us is what's best for our son. So that clean energy. But what I also thought about when it comes to exes and all this stuff is so much of our life is intertwined.
Speaker 1:And so look at you. You met your now boyfriend through this situation. Imagine if you just listened to the rhetoric of get rid of this guy, never talk to him again and don't be with any friends. We have literally lost community because I mean, for me, my ex-boyfriend, he's like a part of my biggest friend group. What am I just supposed to lose? My entire, especially over the pandemic? Am I supposed to just lose my entire friend group because of him and he's not going to leave? That's not fair to ask. So by being able to recover from your breakup and that's what I love most about like breakup, recovery, coaching right, like again. It's not saying like tear it apart or anything. Recovering means healing from it. Right Means being able to be with that clean energy towards that person. And then you make the choice from an aligned space inside of you, from an empowering space, not from a hiding or a fearful space. And is that what you see a lot with your clients when you're able to help them recover from their breakups, are they coming out more empowered?
Speaker 2:I think 100%, they're coming out more empowered. One of the things that I say is that I think our breakups can be our biggest breakthroughs. They can be the moments where we reestablish who we are and who we want to be. We can re-lock in to our values and our desires and how we want to live and move through the world. And I think that in that process, what happens is a regaining of personal power, because sometimes we're outsourcing our power so much without realizing it. You know, we think we feel confident because we're in a relationship with this guy who has a good job and is attractive and charming, and blah, blah, blah, and we feel like we have that sort of social status. And then you go through the breakup and you don't have that anymore. So you get to regain it for yourself and you get to reestablish yourself and go how can I feel more confident just in who I am and not who I'm dating For yourself? And go how can I feel more confident just in who I am and not who I'm dating, for example?
Speaker 2:There's other ways we can regain our power in terms of just even learning the mindset tools, the emotional regulation tools, of feeling like we have agency over ourselves, because one of the things I notice a lot in breakups is it's really easy to fall into the pattern of being reactive and, you know, being being activated by just seeing a photo online or having a thought of like why me, why this, why did they leave me?
Speaker 2:And being sucked into that mental spiral. And so getting the tools to be able to manage the mind drama and be able to process the heavy emotion, the anxiety, so that you can move intentionally through the world and feel like you're deciding your future, rather than being just brought along through the waves of emotion, I think that's such powerful work and so that's a lot of what I do with my clients is we look at where have you been knocked off kilter in your life through this breakup? Where have you been living for other people? Where have you been adjusting yourself or making yourself small to please other people? And how can we get you back? Because this is your life and how do you want to spend your life? So I think it's inherently, just through the nature of it, a very empowering process.
Speaker 1:I love that. How can we get you back? Because essentially that's what we're doing at the end right Now. Again, how I said, like not how do I win my ex back, but like literally, ladies like listen to this, like how do we get ourselves back? And I love what you said. I think you said breakups can be our biggest breakthroughs. Yes, breakups. I can think of a couple of clients right now. They've made that really hard choice of themselves having to leave. They had to leave the toxic situation, they had to stop their patterns, and so I wanted to know if you could speak to the women who made the choice themselves to break up and they're feeling that pain. And what I hear a lot is why am I so sad? I chose this? Did I make the wrong choice? What's going on? So, but they can be our biggest breakthrough. So could you speak a little bit?
Speaker 2:on that. Absolutely, I'm going to use myself as an example for this one. So, one of the hardest breakups that I've ever been through, the breakup I refer to the most in my content. There's a couple I refer to, but this is the big one I refer to. I ended up ending that relationship, and this was after two years of trying to make that relationship work and feeling like I did everything I could think of to do to make it work. I had changed myself. I leaned into his interests and away from my interests. I tried to be the person that he wanted me to be or, frankly, that I thought he wanted me to be.
Speaker 2:And I lost so much of myself in that process and I'm not talking about like light loss. I was feeling anxious every single day. I wasn't sleeping, my appetite was leaving, I was breaking out, my weight was fluctuating all over the place. These were having not just a mental, emotional effect on my health as well. And so, two years into this, I finally just had this realization because I found out that he had been cheating, that he just didn't want to be with me, like he didn't really want to be with me, and it was gut-wrenching, it was awful and it hit me harder than any ending of a relationship had hit me before, because I really tried on this one. I had had a lot of fear of intimacy, a lot of relationship anxiety that prevented me from dating from the time I was 16. So the fact that I met someone who I wanted to try and wasn't letting my commitment issues get in the way, and I was pushing past the anxiety to invest two years trying to make it work and just realizing that it wasn't going to work was one of the hardest things for me. And I think that comes down to that decision right, like making that decision. Why does it still hurt? And I realized, when you get to the root of the word decide, it means to cut off, like some of the Latin roots is to cut off. And I realized I was cutting off a future line that I saw for myself. I was cutting off him. I was cutting off the version of me that wanted to receive his love and his care and his affection. So there was a lot of cutting and I had to grieve that.
Speaker 2:I think it's easy to think of grief as just. You're only allowed to feel that in certain situations, but grief is so common and it is incredibly common in a breakup, regardless of who initiated it because you are mourning the loss of what you thought could be your morning, the loss of who you were, of what the relationship was, of even just having someone to talk to every day, like there's a lot that is being grieved there. So for me it was a hard decision and I got to the point where I literally thought to myself I'm losing myself and if I keep going I'm going to lose myself completely. I'm just not going to be myself. And I chose me at the end of the day, like this wasn't even a decision of like ending the relationship with him. I mean it was, but it was more of a conscious decision of I need to choose me and in order to choose me, this needs to end, because I can't take this anymore and that's so powerful.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story, because I think it really will help other people to see that these are real life situations that we're going through and this stuff can be really big. And I love what you talked about with the grief, because I think that part is so important. Grief is not just death. Grief is not just losing a loved one in that way.
Speaker 1:In fact, I think there's this really great quote by David Kessler that, like, grief is just having something turn out a way you didn't expect it to, and which yeah, and I'm sure he says it like way better, but like it's almost seems like dismissive in some way, but at the same time it's like, yeah, anything that just didn't turn out the way you thought, or what's that other quote? Grief is just all the love that we have, with nowhere for it to go.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So when you have like this ex or this partner and you have all this love for them and you're like, well, where am I going to put this? Who am I going to talk to? All of these aspects is you need to grieve that and that's OK, you out, okay. What was it that you liked about this relationship? What is it that you're missing? I often say to them you're not actually missing him, You're missing who you were around him. So you're missing the playfulness, the fun, maybe the sex, maybe the cuddles, maybe the TV shows. Maybe he helped you try out new TV shows because he had an Apple TV subscription. You're missing his subscription access.
Speaker 2:But I loved Ted.
Speaker 1:Lasso yeah, exactly, you know you're like, but I need to finish Severance. What's going to happen In those ways? And this is I actually say this in a jokey way, but I did have a client at one point down we're talking. She's like, you know, just sometimes I really miss Apple TV and I'm like girl, you can get Apple TV, go buy Apple TV and like and I know I'm making jokes, but at the same time, right, she was like, oh yeah, wait, holy shit, I can do this for myself. And then she went and got it and found all these other great shows about it.
Speaker 1:But it's tiny little things like that where we learn, like grieve process. Go through all of that, definitely, and then also see that part of what you're looking for is still there. We just have to go and find it in different ways now. And so thank you again so much for sharing that. But I would love for you to speak a little bit more on that grief. Do you find that to be a common problem with the women kind of coming into your world and into your programs about kind of this big grief that they're feeling?
Speaker 2:I think absolutely, and I think sometimes it comes through in the ways that we don't even consciously see at the beginning. So we started our chat with Googling how to win your ex back. One could argue that's bargaining in the grief cycle. Oh my gosh, I love that, yes, and so I think that this happens in very sneaky ways. You know you get into the anger processing of grief of. You know that I don't know if I can swear on this.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. That fucking asshole did all of this. That fucking asshole, you're right, that's anger. Oh my God Can we keep doing this. Lucy, can you like walk me through the stages of grief and a breakup? This is amazing, yeah.
Speaker 2:OK, so I might miss one, but like sadness, you know, like the depth and despair of thinking that they were the one and getting really fixated on it. Then you have the fighting against it. You know, trying to win him back, driving by his house at you know 5pm, texting him relentlessly, Like there's so many ways that this comes out and it's just the grief stages that you're working through.
Speaker 1:Oh, even like denial. I'm just thinking now in terms of like having that he's going to come back in two weeks.
Speaker 2:He's going to message me. I'm just, you know, checking your phone every five minutes to see if he has texted you. Going on to your stories to see if he's seen your Instagram stories.
Speaker 1:Yeah, why is he blocked me on texting? But he keeps watching all of my stories? It must mean he still loves me. There's something still there. Yeah, exactly, oh wow.
Speaker 2:And I think that we go through grief in like all the stages of it and we might not clock it and go like, oh, I'm in denial right now. I mean, it also doesn't feel good to be like I'm in denial right now right.
Speaker 1:Nobody wants to say that about themselves Exactly.
Speaker 2:But when you take like a loving step back, you can see, oh yeah, that's where I was in denial and that's where I was bargaining and that's where I was angry and this is where I was sad and here's where I found a bit of acceptance and then I got angry again.
Speaker 2:So we go through these cycles and allowing yourself to go through the process of grief, truly the cycles of grief, I think is important that where people get tripped up is they end up staying in one, like they'll kind of stay in the bargaining or they'll stay in the anger and they'll kind of re-trigger a loop, a looping effect, where they're not actually processing at that point they're more ruminating on it. And so I think you have to allow yourself to feel the feelings that come up. But it's when you start gripping onto a story, what are you making this part of anger mean, like what are you making him checking your stories? Mean, what are you making him texting you at 2am to see how you've been? Mean, like getting really curious about what you're making different things mean and how you're feeling about it and what you're gripping onto, because that can kind of stagnate the processing of the grief and the mourning of the loss.
Speaker 1:I love that you're asking the question like what do you make it mean? Because another question that I'll often ask people is what are you also like what are you hoping it means? They'll like ask questions but like, oh, he texted me on my birthday, you know, but we've been in no contact for, you know, 27 days. We were supposed to go 30, whatever, what do you think this means? And like, a very first question back is always what do you hope it means? Like, what are you actually hoping is going to happen?
Speaker 1:But, then that's okay, cause it teaches you what you want. And if that's like, well, I hope it means he still loves me and he misses me, okay, great. Well then let's get really honest and vulnerable about that, because that's where we start making the shifts and the changes, right?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. You just reminded me when you were saying what are you hoping it means? Because that's one of the questions I ask people when they're stalking the Instagram, stalking the social media, trying to work things out. It's like well, if you see a photo of them, what do you think that will mean? Like, if you see a photo of him with someone new, what are you hoping it means? What are you hoping to find? What are you hoping to not find? Like, asking those questions can hold just enough of a mirror to get curious and go oh, hold on, why am I actually doing this? And in some cases, go can I meet that need another way, like, if I'm looking for reassurance that he's not seeing anybody, okay, so there's a need there for reassurance. How can we find reassurance in a different way, for example, oh, I love that so much.
Speaker 1:I could have totally used you back in the day. Okay, I'm going to be very, very vulnerable about this. I actually don't know if I've shared this with very many people. Back in the early stages of my breakup, I used to have a spreadsheet. Okay, I used to have a spreadsheet. Okay, lucy, I'm not kidding you Okay, yeah, when my ex would check my stories To this day actually, almost when I ever see his little profile picture pop up on my Facebook, because it's the exact same one I'll still have like a similar somatic feeling because I for so long would spend hours looking at my stories, waiting to see when he would watch them, and then, like keeping a spreadsheet tracking like, oh, he didn't check it at 1pm, he checked it at 3pm. Oh, he's checked it at 3pm three days in a row. It's almost the way I market now to clients and leads today, which is like, oh, when are they most active on my Instagram?
Speaker 1:Except it was for one man, one breakup, and I was this over-focused on how to get him back and like what could I actually be doing in order to get that? And so the way that you explained that and how you're like just ask yourself what do you make it mean? Like, what do you hope it means? If I just had had a safe space, somebody to kind of call me out in those moments, a coach that was honest with me, not telling me, you know, oh yes, if we just figure out when he's checking your stories, then we'll know when to text him next. This is what she was teaching me.
Speaker 1:It messed me up, and what I want to really be honest about is we need these kind of honest moments, these kind of empowering moments to say no, sweetheart, what do you actually want it to mean? And if I got really honest, I would have wanted it to mean that he missed me and he still wanted to be with me and he still loved me, and if that was the case, then I could have gone to him and explained that or leaned back or done something to protect my peace in that moment, and I just wanted to really express that and explain to people. We can get into these. If anyone actually has a breakup story, feel free to share it.
Speaker 1:I put this up on my Facebook group all the time and people can come in and be like oh no, no, no, I hold them. Hold my beer, jen, like you kept a spreadsheet, I'll tell you what I did. Yeah, but cause I want to normalize that kind of stuff? Cause we are wacky when we are in the breakup phase. So thank you for just sharing that and for really like bringing that in. Do you have anything to speak on for kind of what I just shared there as a coach?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I think that our brains, when we are in grief, especially when there's been so much attachment built up with a particular person, will convince us to do so many things. And so, like the spreadsheet example, right, like I've heard so many stories like that, like I truly have I've had people who, like went back through texting conversations and like figured out well, he said this at this time and he said it here again and after he like gets so specific in certain little details and I think, at the end of the day, it's our brains trying to like feel like it has some semblance of control and just to normalize it. You know, to normalize, like it's understandable that you're checking the timestamps and you're reviewing and you're trying to get information, because your brain is trying to feel some sort of control, because it wants to try and feel safe and to try and protect you. But I think, like having the right reflections back of like hey, really, what are you trying to get out of this?
Speaker 2:And for me, the big question that helped me because I had my own stuff.
Speaker 2:Let me tell you that I would do with my ex, that I was trying to figure out who he was seeing and like I had my own stuff, and one of the questions that I got asked that I now share with people is just like, who do you want to be in this moment? And it's a very simple question. You know, for a lot of people it can even be considered a cliche question, but when I was confronted with okay, let's say he has moved on, or let's say he has cheated on this other person, or let's say you know he is upset at you, who do you want to be in this moment, and what can you, at the end of the day, make your peace with? And how you showed up. And there's a lot of ways in which I showed up where I was like, yeah, I don't love that for me, I don't love how I showed up there, and so who do I want to be? Just asking that question can be really helpful too.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that yeah.
Speaker 2:But like it's so normal, like a lot of people have those, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we don't talk about it. And then we don't want to like talk and be like, oh, I'm the only one that's ever, you know, done something weird at a breakup. No, that's not the case, like right, so it just it happens. But great question, who do I want to be in this moment? And I really just want to encourage anyone out there listening that, in order to have help with that question, hold a mirror up to us.
Speaker 1:Now, for many of us, and also back in the day, this was our besties. This could be our mom, our aunties, our cousins, anyone like that. But the world is shifting and the world is changing and nowadays we don't always have those safe spaces. Those women are also going through their own shit and it's really hard for them to hold space for you, and so it's understandable and that's why I want to encourage people to get in with more coaches and to get in with these communities of women where they can come and talk with their besties and, like someone else is going to go through a breakup, you can talk with them, they can talk with you and you guys can hold space for one another. And I want to get rid of this kind of taboo around coaching, around coming into community, like I shouldn't need that.
Speaker 1:I should have my own friends, like, like girl like we were, you know, farming our own food a hundred years ago and I don't know about you, but I'm getting my apples from, like, the store and maybe from a farmer's market when I feel fancy, but like you know, but generally speaking, I'm going down to the local like grocery outlet, bargain market to go get my strawberries, so do that too. If anyone is out there listening and they're going through something or going through this breakup, could you tell them how they can get in touch with you so that way they can find a community, they can find a space, someone who is trained, who is trustworthy? Again, watch those other red flags, everybody if you're out there. But I'd love to know how can we find you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely Can I add on to you before.
Speaker 1:I share.
Speaker 2:Oh, please, yes, please the other thing that you brought up for me was I think we can have both right. We can have our friends who support us, and that's a beautiful support system, and also we can lean into the support network like coaches who can give us specialized support, who have been trained, who have the resources to support us in a different way, because I think also the hard truth of the matter is when we go only to our friends for support. Again, it's a beautiful support system, but it's so often that we end up getting told what we want to hear not what we need to hear, or we don't always clock that. Oh, my friend has their own skin in this game. They're friends with me, but they're also friends with my ex or my mom's looking out for me, but also like she's the grandmother of my children.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of layers that can come into those relationships that I think, like hiring someone like you, jen, or someone like me, like what that gives, or hiring a coach in general, whoever it is to support you, like yes, or hiring a coach in general, whoever it is to support you, I think what that gives is someone whose focus is just you and your processing and your goals and what you're working towards without any of their own, like they have a stake in the game in terms of they care about you getting the results you want, but not their own personal relationships and things of that nature.
Speaker 2:So I also think that's where this can be very powerful work, especially like sometimes, listen, I love my friends and I love my boyfriend and I can also clock it when they're not telling me what I need to hear, but they're telling me the version they think I will accept in that moment. And sometimes we need lovingly, lovingly, with compassion and care and thoughtfulness, but we need someone to be able to go hey, here's what I'm seeing, here's the pattern I'm seeing, here's the thoughts I'm seeing, what do you think? And just like, say it how it is. So I also think that's the powerful thing about getting support.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for that. Absolutely, because we need someone to lovingly say, jen, put down the spreadsheet and let's figure out why you're feeling this way. Thank you for the add-on. That stuff is just. It's so, so important to me. I absolutely love it. So please let us know how can we find you on Instagram or anywhere else, websites or anything you're offering? Absolutely.
Speaker 2:I hang out the most on Instagram and TikTok, so you can find me at lucymprice. You can also find me on my website, shift your story dot net, and that has all of my social links on there as well. That's fantastic.
Speaker 1:All right. Well, thank you so so much for coming on the show today, lucy. I think you have been a wealth of knowledge. I know so many people are going to get so much out of this and I can't wait to have you back on another day. Thank you so much, jen. It's been such a pleasure. Take care. Bye.
Speaker 1:All right, everyone, I hope you enjoyed my conversation with breakup recovery coach Lucy Price. Definitely go and check her out on Instagram. If you get a chance to go, follow her over there or on TikTok. And also, something that we didn't get a chance to talk about in the actual chat is that Lucy does have a special gift for all of you for listening, so you can actually go to the link in the show notes and grab her top five breakup mistakes and how to avoid them. She shows you how she started moving on without getting caught in endless emotional spirals or overthinking every little thing. So go ahead and grab that free guide now and start healing today.
Speaker 1:And while you're down there, if you want more information on how you can join the Relationship Reboot Program, now is the perfect time to join. Get set in, come, live your best summer, figure out how you can become safe, seen and secure in your relationships. So, moving into the fall you are ready, you are ready to get out there. And date you are ready to get out there for those holiday parties we are ready to get out there. And date you are ready to get out there for those holiday parties we are going to get you there, girl, I promise. Just go ahead and reach out at any time when you want to learn more about the relationship reboot program.
Speaker 1:I hope you all have a beautiful week. I will speak to you next week. Take care, as we wrap up today's conversation, always remember that healing is a journey, not a destination, and it is an honor to be a part of your healing journey. If you want to dig deeper into the topics we covered today, be sure to head over to our show notes, where you can find all of the valuable information mentioned in today's episode right there, and please remember to rate, review and subscribe if you enjoyed today's podcast. Your feedback means the world to us and helps others discover our podcast. Until next time, remember to speak up and speak honest.
