54. Valentine’s Day Without the BS: How to Make It Work for YOU

Tired of Valentine’s Day feeling like a relationship report card? 

Whether you're single, coupled up, or somewhere in between, this day has a way of making everything feel extra - extra lonely, extra disappointing, or just extra pressure. But here’s the truth: Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to suck. In this episode, we’re ditching the unrealistic expectations and making February 14th actually work for you.

You might want to listen if:
✔️ You’re single and over feeling like this day is a giant neon sign screaming YOU’RE ALONE
✔️ You’re in a relationship but still feel disconnected or unseen
✔️ You keep hoping your partner will just get it without you having to ask
✔️ You feel like wanting love and effort makes you “needy” (spoiler: it doesn’t!)
✔️ You’re ready to take control and create real love instead of waiting for it to magically appear

This year, let’s make Valentine's Day about you—on your terms.

FIND OUT MORE!

• Apply for FREE Coaching with Jenn
• Become a Relationship Reboot Member and access all you need to become secure.
• Join our FREE Community! Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
• Schedule your Free 30 min Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
• Watch Jenn on the 🔴 TEDx Stage!
• Download your free Workbook: Dance of Attachment
• Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
• Follow Jenn on Instagram: @speak_honest
• Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!

DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for accuracy but are not liable for errors or outcomes fr...

Transcript

Hello and welcome to Speak Honest. I am your host and certified relationship coach, Jennifer Noble. It has been my passion for over a decade to help women like you heal. What's been holding you back from having the relationships you deserve? Are you struggling with a relationship where you can't seem to voice your emotions, needs, and boundaries without having it blow up in your face?

Then you have found the right podcast, my friend. Get ready for practical tips, empowering truths, and honest conversations. Now let's dive in.

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Speak Honest. I'm Jenn Noble, your go-to relationship coach and on today's episode, I want to talk about Valentine's Day, because let's face it, it is just around the corner, and I know that Valentine's Day can be a bit polarizing.

I know for some of you, it's a celebration of love, it's amazing, you adore it, but for others, it's just a reminder of what you're missing. But no matter where you stand, I want to dive into all things Valentine's Day. Now, I personally love Valentine's Day. I always have. Growing up, my dad would shower my mom and us kids with gifts, and it always just felt like a really special time.

So I've carried that love for the holiday well into adulthood, but I totally get that not everyone shares the same enthusiasm, and that is absolutely okay. But before we jump in, I want to remind you that if Valentine's Day brings up some struggles for you, especially when it comes to relationship patterns, feeling disconnected or feeling like you're always misunderstood when you're in a relationship, I want to invite you to check out the Relationship Reboot Program.

So right now it is just $97 a month to join the membership, and I'm so excited to offer this for you. You'll get access to 12 in depth modules. And in each module, you get a video telling you about the learning lesson for the week. You get worksheets, homework, ladies, I make you do homework. This is not some simple program that you go through.

So only join if you're ready to do the work. You get worksheets, you get videos, you get weekly group coaching sessions where we really dive into your relationship patterns and work towards the healing that you need. So if you're tired of repeating the same cycles or feeling like you just can't get through to your partner, this program is for you.

Now, if you want more information, I want you to just click on the link in the show notes and you'll be able to go to speak-honest.com/relationshipreboot. And I want to make this year 2025 the year you finally reboot your relationships for good. 

All right, now back to Valentine's day. So. Whether you are single or in a relationship, I know this day can hit differently for so many of us. It's that time when everything just feels magnified. If you're single, you might feel like it's an in-your-face reminder that you are alone. It's like you just have this big flashing sign on your forehead saying, I am alone.

I am alone. And if you're in a relationship, you might still feel lonely because, again, it's just a reminder of if you're not getting the things that you see out on social media from your husband or your boyfriend or, you know, your situationship, it can really make you feel like, “Oh, my God, I'm not really with anyone. I'm still feeling lonely,” because let's be real. The most painful loneliness often comes when we're with someone, but we don't feel truly seen or understood by this person. But I believe that Valentine's Day shouldn't be this magnification. It shouldn't be, this is the way it's supposed to look. You're alone and so we're going to put a big flashing sign on your face or you're with someone, but he's not loving you the way you should.

And instead, I've just always wanted Valentine's Day to be what it's supposed to be about, which is love and love in all of its forms. So today I want to talk about the three ways that we can handle Valentine's Day, no matter where we are in our relationship journey. So whether you're solo, or you're coupled up, or maybe you're in a situationship.

Let's look at how you can make the most of this day. So first, if you are single, let's embrace the love you have for yourself. Some of my favorite Valentine's Day happened when I wasn't even in a relationship. I know I think there's a new term out there nowadays called Galentine's Day, which I love.

And it's all about love. Love for yourself. Love for your friends. Love for the people around you. Because Valentine's Day doesn't have to be just about romantic love. It's about all love. Treat yourself. You know, buy yourself flowers. Be like Miley Cyrus. You know, I can buy myself flowers. I think with the way that my voice is breaking lately, because I was sick earlier, I can sound like Miley Cyrus now.

So it's going to be great. I'm just going to keep singing that song for Valentine's Day. But listen, I'm not kidding. I want you to go out and buy yourself flowers. What's your favorite flower? Roses, daisies, sunflowers, maybe you don't like flowers, buy yourself a new video game, you know, buy yourself that new pair of jeans, maybe those new cute shoes, maybe that new power drill you want because you want to put stuff up around the house.

This is for you. If you're feeling alone, use this day to connect with your own heart and the things that make you feel good. No one else needs to validate you, but you. This part is so important. Now, if you are in a relationship, but you're still feeling lonely, I just want you to know it's so common to feel disconnected, even when we're with someone, especially if you're not meeting each other's emotional needs.

So this Valentine's Day, I want you to have an open conversation with your partner. Do it before Valentine's Day. Now, I know you're probably listening to this one on the 12th. If you're listening to this on the Wednesday, and tell them what you need. What it is that you love. Don't expect them to read your mind, ladies.

Don't be like, oh, well, I've told them every other year I really want flowers, and I don't want you to get in your head to say, well, if I have to tell them I want flowers, then it doesn't really mean anything. No, we're cutting all of this bullshit out this year. It is time for us to communicate effectively, directly, and lovingly.

We are going to learn what we need, what we want, and what we desire in relationships and we are going to be okay communicating that to our men. Why? Because we are not too much, we are not needy, we are allowed to ask for the things that we want. So if this Valentine's Day, if I got to you before Valentine's Day, and you don't know what you're doing yet for Valentine's Day, great, go ask him.

Hey babes! I really love Valentine's Day and it makes me feel really loved and special. Can we go do something, please? I really want to go to this bar. Or how about, there's a new movie coming out, right? There's a cute new movie I want to see called Love Hurts with the guy from Goonies. Looks adorable. I want to go see that.

And I told my husband that. And he doesn't know that that's something that I wanted to do. In fact, he's like, Oh, I didn't think you'd actually want to go see that. I thought maybe that would just be for me. And I was like, Oh, no, I really want to see that. You see how he doesn't know what I want and need. I don't know what he wants and needs.

So I asked him and he wants to have a little bit more of a chill day. He doesn't want to go out. He doesn't like the hustle and the bustle of, you know, society on Valentine's Day and how expensive everything is. And I respect that. I also really love Valentine's Day, and I want flowers, and I want chocolate, and I want cute little cards, and I tell him that because I am now okay with who I am and what I need, and that's why I want to get you to that place as well. 

And listen, if you are struggling in any way with Valentine's Day, I just want you to know that you're perfectly normal. Valentine's Day brings up difficult emotions. So whether it's because of a past heartbreak, maybe some unmet needs, some uncertainty in the relationship that you're in right now, remember, it's just a day.

Don't put so much focus on it. I want you to focus on what you can control and be gentle with yourself. Maybe spend some time with some close friends or family. You maybe jump online if you're in the relationship reboot program. Come on. Get in together with the ladies, maybe some other ladies don't have anything to do on Valentine's Day.

You all can just get together online. This is the community that we build. We create the love around us. Okay, I want you to hear that again. Love does not just happen to us. We create the love around us. For so long, I lived in a lonely lifestyle thinking, Oh, woe is me. Nobody loves me. Nobody understands me.

No one's ever going to get who I am. And I realized it's because I kept sitting, waiting for some big white knight to come and sweep me off my feet and take care of me. But, I gotta call bullshit on that right now. It's not gonna happen. This isn't what happens. We create the love around us. And it starts not just with ourselves, you know, it starts with collating the people in our lives that are important to us.

So now, I have friends that I know mean a lot to me, and I know that I mean a lot to them. I have a husband now that I specifically sought after. I called him in. I worked through the communication struggles. I got through my attachment style to work with him, and now I know I feel loved. I know I can ask for what I want, and I know that if he doesn't do it perfectly, if he buys me pink roses instead of orange roses, God forbid, I know it doesn't mean he doesn't love me. 

You know, that was something I did way back in the day with my ex husband, was, I think he bought me pink roses, and I said I wanted orange roses, so God forbid, and I blew up at him, and listen to that. That is the narrative that I created in my own head. That is the story I was creating. He doesn't love me.

He's not listening to me. It's just not true.  And so I want us to be mindful this Valentine's Day to create the love we want to see. Now, if you're not there yet, that's okay. And if you're not there yet and you need help, come and join the relationship reboot program. That's what we're here for. We are a community of women just like you, and we're all doing the best that we can to heal and live lives full of fulfilling, satisfied relationships. 

At the end of the day, Valentine's day doesn't have to be a reminder of what you don't have. It's an opportunity to celebrate the love you already have in yourself, in your relationships, and in your life. Let's make this day about creating connection, no matter where you are. Before I wrap up, don't forget, if you are struggling with relationship patterns, or you want more support, if you want love, if you want a community, I would love for you to join the Relationship Reboot Program.

We're here for you to help you through this process of loneliness, and there's no better time than now to make that change. So thank you all so much for being here with me today. And remember, love isn't about perfect gestures or fancy gifts. It's about connection. So go ahead and make this Valentine's day about real, meaningful love.

I will speak to you all next week. Take care.  As we wrap up today's conversation, always remember that healing is a journey, not a destination, and it is an honor to be a part of your healing journey. If you want to dig deeper into the topics we covered today. Be sure to head over to our show notes where you can find all of the valuable information mentioned in today's episode, right there.

And please remember to rate, review, and subscribe if you enjoyed today's podcast. Your feedback means the world to us and helps others discover our podcast. Until next time, remember to speak up and speak honest.