47. How Carol Rebooted Her Marriage | Real Stories from the Relationship Reboot Program

 What if the key to transforming your relationship lies in healing yourself first? 
In this inspiring episode of Speak Honest, I chat with Carol, a member of the Relationship Reboot Program, about her incredible journey to rebuild her marriage and rediscover herself. From confronting limiting beliefs to embracing somatic tools and building a supportive community, Carol shares her candid experiences, triumphs, and lessons learned. Whether you’re navigating communication struggles or searching for deeper connection, this conversation is full of insights to help you take the next step toward healing.

You might want to listen if:

• You feel stuck in the same arguments with your partner.
• You struggle with feeling "not enough" or unimportant in relationships.
• You want to learn how to regulate your emotions and respond, not react.
• You’ve been looking for tools to build secure, fulfilling connections.
• You crave a supportive community of women on the same journey.

FIND OUT MORE!

• Join our Community! Speak Honest Facebook Group 🧡
• Schedule your Attachment Assessment with Jenn Today!
• Watch Jenn on the 🔴 TEDx Stage!
• Interested in being coached on our show? Schedule with Jenn today!
• Discover the Attachment Dance Style of your Relationship: Download Your Free Workbook!
• Visit www.speak-honest.com to learn more
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• Like the episode? Please write a review, your words help others find us!

DISCLAIMER: Speak Honest podcast content is informational, not professional or medical advice. Jenn is an ICF relationship coach, not a licensed therapist. Consult health professionals for specific concerns. Client opinions do not reflect Speak Honest’s stance. We aim for accuracy but are not liable for errors or outcomes from this information.

Transcript

Jenn Noble 

Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Speak Honest. I am so excited for today's episode because on today's episode I have Carol back on the podcast. So Carol is actually a member of the Relationship Reboot Program and she was previously on episode 39 of the podcast. And that episode title is Why Do We Push Love Away? A Deep Dive into Healing Attachment Styles, which is a coaching call with Carol.

So in this coaching call today, what we actually do is we just dive into how did the program shift her? Did it get her to where she wanted to go? Was it what she was looking for? And the interesting part was how we first started talking about what her big thing was, was attachment styles and how she wanted to be learning more about her attachment style and all of those things and thinking that that would be the thing that would really help her. What turned out to be so much more? I mean, we only really touch on attachment styles in week two, but what we do is we dig into our attachment wounds and we get into our attachment needs and we learn how to communicate and set boundaries in a way that have been holding us back because of our attachment styles. So it's one thing to learn, you know, whether you're anxious or avoidant or disorganized, it's a whole nother thing to try to heal from that. And that's what I love talking about with people. I love getting them to a place where they can see that a secure, healthy, fulfilling relationship is absolutely possible. 

It takes jus rewiring some of those limited beliefs, as you'll hear us talk about, some of those labels like, I am not enough, I don't matter, I am unimportant, I will be abandoned. All of these beliefs inside of us hold us back from what we truly deserve.

So I am so, so excited for you to get to listen to this episode. And before we get started on today's podcast, I want to remind you that if you are interested in joining the relationship reboot program, I highly recommend jumping on a call with me. We jump on an attachment assessment. And what this is, is a free 30 minute conversation where you and I get to know each other and we get to decide if the relationship reboot program is right for you. It's a great way to also just start pointing you in the right direction of your healing journey. You can do that by going to speak-honest.com/assessment. There's also a link in the show notes if that's easier for you, or you can jump into our Facebook group and you'll see the link in there as well, or you can DM me at any times. But the best way to get on the relationship reboot program is through this assessment. Because in the program, I only take 10 women at a time through this program. 

It is just too intensive for me right now until I get a little bit more of my footing to take on anymore. So I limit this to only 10 women and we are starting January 13th. So by the time this podcast comes out, that is not that long away. I know we have Christmas to go through and the holidays to go through, but my schedule, I have a couple of days open through the holidays because it's so important to me to get to talk to as many women as possible that need the healing in their life. 

Now sometimes I jump on an assessment and we learned right away that this is not the right program for you. Either you need something a little bit more or maybe you just need something a little bit less and the program is just a bit too much investment right now, both with your time, your energy and your finances and that's okay. You still leave the assessment with an idea of where to go next. And that's what's incredibly important to me. It is my mission in life to help women like you to heal your relationships and be able to securely communicate to your man. If you have such a problem with this, if you're sitting there right now and it's like every single time you try to talk to him, it just blows up in your face. Well, first off, I want you to know you are not alone. This used to happen to me all the time. 

I am a bit of a feisty woman and I have a bit of a tongue on me sometimes and I have a lot of emotions and I'm very, very vocal, but for so long, I thought I needed to squash that part of me in order to have a healthy relationship. But I'm done thinking that I have learned how to start communicating with using the tools that I teach all of my clients and how to keep who I am, you know, how to stay true to me, how to be authentic to me, to my silliness and my playfulness and my feistiness and all of the above and still learn how to communicate securely. If that sounds like you.

Please, please, please schedule an assessment with me. I can't wait to talk to you. You know, we can just shoot the shit together because that's the best part about this. It's just 30 minutes of me and you chit chatting. And I love getting to know the women in my circle. It's my favorite thing to do. Well, with all of that being said, let's get on with the episode.

Jenn Noble 

Hey Carol, thank you so much for coming back on the podcast and agreeing to talk about the program a little bit. How are you doing?

Carol 

Doing good, Thank you. 

Jenn Noble 

So you and I have spent the last 12 weeks, technically 13 weeks, we took a little break in between off. And it's been such a fun roller coaster ride with you in terms of where we started from week one of just kind of getting to know each other and where we are now 13 weeks later and how exciting that is to see all the progress you've made. But I'd love to ask you first, where were you, do you think emotionally before starting the program? I kind of want to remind everyone a little bit. They can go back and listen to your first episode as well if they want to. But where do you remember being emotionally when we started 12 weeks ago?

Carol

Just really overwhelmed and I almost want to say like desperate for change.

Jenn Noble

Mm-hmm. Yeah, you were ready. That's what I remember.

Carol 

Yeah.

Jenn Noble 

I think you found me at just the right time. You were listening to my podcast, is that right? And then the program was kind of getting started and then we had the scholarship program that went up and it was the perfect opportunity and everything just fell into alignment and that was it, you were in. And it was fantastic.

Carol

And I'm just so thankful because the attachment styles is what got me curious and wanting to improve my marriage and was like, well, maybe I can learn more about this attachment styles, you know, and maybe this avoidant, not actually, I'm more anxious, this anxious or disorganized attachment of mine is causing more issues than I realized. So then I was like, I'm just going to see what, what's available podcast wise. And then here I am. And I found you and who I would thought I ever would be on a podcast myself, you know, because I was listening to it and was like sharing it and telling my friends and family like, you've got to listen to this. This is so good.

Jenn Noble

I love that so much. I love that you found me through Attachments Styles. It's definitely what I used to do all the time. And I still love Attachments Styles. And as you started getting into the program with me, you saw we really only touched on it in like week two, didn't we? Yeah, we take it throughout the whole program, but it's not the entire program. No. Yeah. 

So I want to talk about that with you. Tell me what you thought about the program going in and how any of your expectations changed throughout.

Carol 

I think that, you know, going in, I was very hopeful. Didn't really know what to expect. I knew that it would be good, but I did not realize how much community was going to be involved. And I'm just thankful for that. You know, not only do I feel like I connected with you, but I connected with other ladies that are becoming friends that I literally want to keep in contact with that have truly become a support for me and I was not expecting that out of the program. That was an extra bonus.

Jenn Noble

Yeah, was really, one of the main reasons why I wanted to turn this program into a group coaching was because community and social connection and all that stuff is really important to me. And I don't do anything if I'm left to my own devices. I need others, right? I need someone pushing me, I need help. And in response to that as well, it was one of my favorite things as your coach was watching these relationships form between all of you because I knew where you all were in the aspects of your life and I had met all of you individually. And the next thing I know, this person's reaching out to this person, this person's talking to this person. even after tonight's session, you were all trying to figure out how do we meet up without Jenn? Like, how do we keep doing this? We need each other. And that literally just filled my entire heart space up because this is what I really wanted to create was this group of women, this community of women that were gonna be together and support and lift each other up. So that makes me so happy to hear.

Carol 

Yea I say it's a bonus, to know that not only the relationships created, but to know that I'm not alone, to hear their struggles and to see their vulnerability helped me to be vulnerable and vice versa. And to know that this is, you know, these might really just be limited beliefs that has been setting me back because to see other people having the same limited beliefs, even at such different spaces in our lives, different roles, some married, some not married, some have kids, some not have kids, but just to see such a wide variety of women and to know that we all have similar limited beliefs just helps, helps know, hey, we're not alone. A lot of what we have went through, just kind of what life has handed us, but we can make it through and it's not something within us that's deeply flawed. We can get better, we can work through this.

Jenn Noble 

I love that. love how much you're bringing up limited beliefs because I want to ask you before the program, like how familiar were you with limited beliefs?

Carol 

Not hardly at all.

Jenn Noble

Yeah. And you can see now how much they are infiltrating almost every decision we make. 

Carol 

Yeah. 

Jenn Noble

And one of the first things that we do, so first, you know, we'll go through our goals and intentions. That's always the, that's in week one. And then we talk about attachment styles because it helps us understand where all of this is coming from. And that is not necessarily our fault, right? It was just kind of built up inside of us. And then immediately we start going into, let's start identifying what are these big massive beliefs, these attachment wounds that are holding us back from receiving our needs, setting our boundaries, communicating, feeling secure in a relationship. And it's all of that. just stems through the entire thing. So for you, what would you say was that one big limited belief that you found?

Carol 

Oh Goodness. I want to say that I don't matter. Like I don't matter or I'm not important. And kind of to go with what you said, it was kind of like a key to open the door because I have had, and I hope everyone hears me when I say this, I have had many different modalities for treatment and therapy and different things that I've tried through the years, but it just wasn't clicking. It wasn't sticking and I couldn't figure out why. Like why am I not being able to put what I'm learning into practice? What is going on? And now that I've finished the program or finishing the program and learned how much the limited beliefs play a role, it just makes so much sense. It's like the key that was missing because now I can recognize it.

So when I get overwhelmed or I'm stressed and then I hear those limited beliefs creeping back up, I can use the somatic evidence that you taught me in the program to come against it be like, no, no, no, no, no. This evidence is, you know, so and so says this or this happened or that happened. And I can literally say fight against myself, but I can fight that limited belief and be like, no, this is not, this is false and this is true.

And that's what helps. That's what helps get through those hurdles. And I really believe that was one of the biggest missing pieces for me.

Jenn Noble

Yeah, I love that say that because I think the somatic evidence and the somatic repetition and all the stuff that we do with that might be one of my favorite things. If I could just have an entire program of that, I probably would. And so I love that you brought that up. And we were talking about earlier today in our group coaching session that you had kind of fallen off on the somatic repetition lately, but also that it's OK to do that. That there's still so much you've gotten from it before and you'll just pick it back up when you get a chance to. But sometimes in our life, you know, things are going down, shit is happening, and we don't have time for that and it's okay.

Carol 

And who's learning to adapt? Like how you said, well, okay, you may not be able to go through, you know, all eight or all 15 areas of your life, but even if you just pick three, so even if it's just counteracting the one big limited belief with the one big piece of evidence I have found has helped me. I may not be doing it regularly every day, you know, twice a day, but if I'm doing it in the moment. So I'm recognizing those limited beliefs when they come on and then I'm counteracting it with the evidence in the moment saying, no, this is what's true.

Jenn Noble

yeah, I love that so much. Yeah. And for anyone listening, they're like, you know, sometimes when we're in the program, we start talking about all these words. They all make sense to us. And then we're like, what the heck? But somatic repetition is just basically this process that is developed between using autosuggestion, which is from Emil Kui. It's his stuff that he did back in like the 1930s where he was talking about positive thinking. But it also adds in a level of we're using alpha theta brainwave state. So that's like when we're in a meditative state and when we're relaxed or when we're just waking up in the morning or when we're going to bed. And that, that alpha theta actually just helps it shift even more. But as Carol was saying, you don't actually need to necessarily be in that state for there to still be a shift. It just makes it easier. It's like going to the gym. You know, you go to the gym and you know, you can like lift all your weights and you can make sure you're like tucked in perfectly all the time, or you can just sometimes go. And that's okay too. 

And each thing that you do, That part is so important. then add to that, and I want to talk to you about Carol, because I remember this being, I don't have a light bulb moment for you, if I remember correctly, was the somatic work around this. So we have autosuggestion, which are the words, and then we have the alpha-theta brainwave state, which is the kind of state of mind we're in. But then we have the key point to all of this, which is you have to feel it and really, really feel it. And I don't mean feel it like, I feel happy, I feel sad. It's like this somatic, visceral, physical sensation inside of your body. Talk me through what that was like for you to learn about your somatic experience.

Carol 

And I'm gonna get tearful when I talk about this. There were a few days, you know, during the program where I was really going through a lot and you helped talk me through the somatic part of it. Like I had no idea how much my body was playing a role in where I was feeling in my body, you where I was feeling the anxiety or the fear or whatever it was, I was hearing it and I did not even realize it. And anxiety was just, you know, automatic and I was just acting out of it. And then you say, well, okay, let's slow down. Now let's take a deep breath. And then you would just help work, help me work through it. And that was amazing. And if I can continue to learn how to do that, you know, during those moments, it's great. I mean, it's really powerful.

Because if you feel like you're having all encompassing emotions, no matter what they are, whether it's fear or anxiety or stress, it can feel literally all encompassing, like that's surrounding you, like you're drowning. And especially with the body, you know, the body's experience and we don't even realize it. And you were pointing out to me, like my tone of voice and like you could just tell and the difference it made and the difference it made before and after and then after doing that somatic work is just amazing and we can make it through those moments. And I'm so thankful that you helped me with that.

Jenn Noble 

Yeah. you're so welcome. I'm so honored to even be a part of this journey with you. You know that. So it's it feels so good. But what I love so much is how those kind of moments, even within the group, some of the other ladies were like, I just I don't get it. Like, what do you mean feel good? Like, I don't know what it means to feel good. Like what? just make myself happy. And I remember we kind of had this moment of was like, OK, you know, think of something really, really sad. But now think of like Christmas music or something. like, and so even right now, if you're listening along, you know, think about just some sort of grief or something. If you're, you know, if you feel like you're in a safe space to do so and you just feel that like physical sensation, sometimes it's in your stomach. Sometimes my legs kind of feel a bit funny. And then all of a sudden, yeah, like a heaviness for me, sometimes it's like my, like my hands start to shake and I don't even realize it's happening until I start to really notice it. And then all of a sudden, You know, just think of like your favorite Christmas song, like walking in a winter wonderland or doing something like that. And it's like, yeah, there it is. 

And the cool part about the group was, and this is what my personal nervousness of doing a group program was, I work really well one-on-one with people. One of my strong suits is if someone doesn't understand what I'm saying, I say, great, let's explore. Let me figure out a way to explain that to you. So wasn't sure how that would translate in a group, but what ended up happening was like yourself, or there was a couple of other ladies I'm thinking about that were like, but I don't get it. What's going on? So I'd explain it to them, but then all of a sudden you guys would start to understand it more too. And what was that like for you being able to listen to someone else go through something and you take something away from it?

Carol

Just immeasurably helpful. Once again, kind of go into, you know, knowing that I'm not alone or like having questions answered that I maybe not had even asked yet and to hear it and to like, okay, good. I'm not the only one that, you know, didn't understand that. And I think that's the power of the community and being in the group is it just helps see it from different points of view, different answers, different things that we may not have, you know, recognized by ourselves. It just brings it out of us and I think it really helps.

Jenn Noble 

Yeah. And I mean, that was like the whole reason I started this podcast was because I always got so much out of group stuff thinking like when I'm in the middle of a coaching session, I'm all encompassed around it. I mean, I can't, I can't see the forest through the trees. As soon as I start listening to someone else's issue, I'm like, well, I see myself in that person and I know how to fix it. like, how can I like, so that's what I need to do for myself. Okay, got it. And so that's what I always hope for the podcast. And it turns out the, the small group that we created was that like three times over. because we were so intimate and we were so connected that if we'd have these little like 15 minute pockets, which kind of with each person sometimes on a Tuesday or whatnot, we're doing our rosebud thorns, which, you know, I'll explain in a different podcast what that is and all of these things going on. And it was just so exciting to see like someone had this big revelation and that revelation sparked this person's revelation. But because we're all sitting together, then this person talked about that person's revelation and I'm just sitting there watching all of you just in awe. 

Carol 

It's almost like feeling like you have your own personal cheerleaders.

Jenn Noble

Yes! Yes!

Carol 

I mean honestly, I'm not saying that every group would be like that, because not everybody's the same, but the group of women I was with were so encouraging and supportive. And just honest and being able to be honest and share our struggles and be like, yeah, I've been there, but you you're not alone and you can make it through is just amazing.

Jenn Noble

Mm-hmm, yeah,  absolutely... Let me ask you, since we're talking about all the good stuff, you know, I like to be real, you know, I like to be like transparent and honest and all that stuff, but was there any kind of hesitation or doubt before you started the program? Were you worried about, scared, anything like that?

Carol

I think that I have a tendency to think in all or nothing terms. So in the beginning, I think I was just so excited. I thought like it was going to transform my whole life. Like it was going to be some magic fix and everything was going to be different. And there's no such thing, you know, and now I know that. So other than that, not really. I mean, it's it's everything that I thought more. Unfortunately, you know, as you you're well aware of. I've had things come up in my life during the program that's really slowed me down and slowed like the homework stuff down and I didn't get to be in depth as I like. So I'm definitely going to go back and like redo some things that I didn't get to do prior because of these circumstances. But it was just, it was everything that I thought. Everything that I thought of and more other than it just, it was a reality check to me that there is no magic pill.

You know, working on these things, working on the limited beliefs, working on the somatic repetition, working on me is going to be a process. And when you were honest and said, hey, you know, some of these things, some of these areas, you might even write yourself lower afterwards. Sometimes it feels like you're going backwards first. And to know that that can happen and to be prepared just in case meant a lot, you know, to know that, this isn't going to be a fix all. This is a part of my process. This is something that I'm going to take with me and I'm going to continue working on.

Jenn Noble 

Yeah, I know, because I think you and I talked a little bit too how sometimes it can get worse before it gets better. Just sometimes when we start speaking up for our needs, when we start talking about things, when we start being the person we were meant to be, but we've kind of hidden that for so long that sometimes it can cause some frustrations and cycles and it can cause some frustrations inside of you. But I watched you just blossom throughout all of this.

Would it be okay with you to share the situation with one of your family members that happened recently? Is that okay? Okay, I would love for you to tell that story. Let me set it up. So we're talking about things and we're dealing with situations and one of your family members had a lot to say about something and it triggered all of these things inside of you. And then what ended up happening?

Carol 

They blew up, I blew up, and I did not realize how much of my body was involved and you helped talk me through that. And just talking about it and repeating what happened to you, could tell with the tone of my voice how it affected me. So I was very upset and probably said some things that I shouldn't have said. And then it was just kind of the conversation ended. It definitely could have went better, but it definitely could have went worse. But then after thinking about it and working through it, things got a lot better. And I was able to actually, you know, not right away, you know, it may have been like a week later, but I was able to really talk back with the person and work it out and let them know how I felt and that I cared and I could see that they cared. And it was just open communication.

Jenn Noble 

Yeah, you actually reached out to them, is that right? Yeah, so in fact, I want to say that's beautiful that you waited a week, because we talk about how you need to remove yourself to calm your body down. It can sometimes take a week to calm down, that was heated. I think the entire group wanted to jump in and protect you in that moment. I remember that so much. We were like, that's it. Just let me at them. And so, but you could have easily just been done. Right? Yeah. And maybe an old past self would have just been done.

Carol 

Right, absolutely. I could have just completely... Yeah, would have just like cut the person out permanently and release for a while and not try to fix things. And it took, mean, it was a week long process and it's not that I did not talk to them at all during that, but it just, the subject wasn't brought up. So I literally would, yeah, I'll just kind of put it on pause. And then to be able to... what you helped me with. And then also thinking about the communication and how to communicate with people and how to, you know, go about your needs and I'm like everything, everything fit and was able to, you know, kind of come out in that conversation. And it was true and it was heartfelt and it was resolved, you know? And I mean, they still might have the same opinion and have a different opinion than me, but we are okay.

Jenn Noble 

Right, because their opinion of you, it doesn't matter anymore, right? Exactly! It doesn't mean anything about you anymore, right? It's the thing I talk about all the time, but if they called you an orange bush, you wouldn't have any opinion. Like you would be like, okay, that's weird. You know, so if they have an opinion about how you do your life or whatever it is that you're doing, you'll be like, okay, thanks, great. Like, because it doesn't mean anything about you anymore, right? And I know we're not perfectly healed you know, it still would get to you a little bit. But tell me about some of the stepping stones. So some of the things we learned during the program, we learned about our limited beliefs, we learned about our needs, we learned about our boundaries, and we learned how to communicate. So tell me what were some of those stepping stones that you used in this communication and this conversation with them?

Carol 

Kinda of the needs and the boundaries mixed. Like trying to discover why was I so triggered. Which  is where the limited belief comes in and you helped me see that. Like, wait a minute, why did that bother you? 

Jenn Noble 

Yeah, like why does it matter? Who cares what they said? 

Carol 

Yea like where did that trigger come from, so that’s where the limited belief comes in. And then the communication part,  was like talking about how I feel.  So instead of saying you, you, you, you No, I felt like this when you said this or when this was said. This is how I felt. 

Jenn Noble 

Sorry, can I, I want to interrupt you because I just, you caught yourself in that and I thought that was brilliant. Did you catch that? Cause you said, you said, you said, I felt this way when you said, I felt this way when this was said to me. Like, cause we talk about the nuance of not saying you all the time, like when we're trying to like discuss something. And so I just love that you even picked that up in two seconds in yourself. So just good. I'm just giving you props. Keep going.

Carol 

Yes, well, and that's been the biggest change, like with my communication and like even like with my husband and my kids is nobody can make us do anything. We are the ones making the decisions. I mean, yes, it might initiate or create a somatic, a somatic feeling in us or something with our body or our central nervous system. But we're the one that makes the decision of what to do, whether it's to yell or not yell or, you know, take that step back and be more in control because when we're dysregulated, we're dysregulated. But just to know that we are in control and we can take those steps, even in those heated moments, is huge.

Jenn Noble 

Yeah, and we can still be allowed sometimes to have some dysregulated moments. Heck, I was just telling you about my Christmas tree situation and how my husband didn't get the hooks fast enough and I'm stomping down the ladder being like, you know, and I would consider myself pretty secure now, pretty regulated person and every once in while it pops up. But now even when that happens, we don't need to have the shame when it happens, right? don't, there's not, here's the dysregulated state And here's the guilt, here's the shame, here's the beliefs, here's all this stuff. I am bad, I am a failure. I'm never gonna get this right. They're all gonna leave me. It's such a spiral. Ugh.

Carol

Yes, just like a catastrophizing, just like going off a cliff and going down into the deep end. One thing leads to another to another. And that has, this program has helped me so much to stop that. And I'm not saying it doesn't ever happen because I still have, of course, I still have my moments and my days, but to be able to come up with the evidence against those limited beliefs when it starts to spiral and be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That has been the key for me. And I think that has been the missing piece that's helping me change it. And I think the way that you have put everything together in this program just sets us up for success. I really, really do.

Jenn Noble 

I love to hear that because it really is such a, it's a very intensive program I mean, right? You would agree with that. Like you didn't get everything done. It happens. I think I even say that throughout the videos of like, I put a lot in this. This is not for everyone. Like this is a 12 week intensive program. You are going to go at it hard and you're going to go at it fast and you're not going to get everything done. And it's actually through that not getting it done that I personally find through my clients helps kind of release some of that perfectionism inside of us. Like I just told one of the ladies today, it was like, do not do week 11 homework. I told you not to do it.

Carol

I know who that was! 

Jenn Noble

We won't call her out on here. She's listening though. And it was that. It was that moment of saying, I don't want you to do it all. Right? Because this program was built specifically to push you outside of your comfort zone.

Carol 

Yeah. And you told me that from the beginning because one of my goals was to like not miss a call like no don't miss any calls and you were like if you miss a call and I was just like, I really don't want to and then life happened and now my family got sick and then I had to I didn't have a choice but I gave myself grace about it. I was upset at first and I'm still kind of frustrated that I didn't get finished like I did but I'm also understanding what I'm going through and knowing that I can go back and redo those things.

Jenn Noble 

Yeah, and it's and it was there because in those weeks and moments that you had the chance to do it when you had the time, that was exactly what you needed when you needed them. And then, a lot of shit hit the fan for you. It just did. We did not expect that coming into this at all. We had no idea that all of this was going to go down. The fact that you even kept coming, right, because we had a couple of people drop off eventually. It happens in groups all the time. But you kept coming. And it was so good to always see your face every time you got to be there. And I know you made such a commitment.

So what I really want us to see is we don't have to do the work within the program perfectly. We don't have to do it 100 % in order to get the most out of it. And in fact, I want you to be able to not do it all. And then yeah, go back through it again. In fact, that's what I recommend to most people is you go through it once with me. So you know you have me to ask all the questions. You know you have me to like get into the nuance, the nitty gritty.

You know, like, what are the words that I use? Sometimes I use weird, big words like equilibration. Like, what the hell does that mean? That's what we do it for. And then you have all of the work for the rest of your life. You have access to the Facebook group and that's anyone, any even future cohorts. have access to the Facebook group. You have access to all 12 weeks of the program, all the videos, all the worksheets, everything there. And you even still have access to me in the Facebook group to ask me a question if it's like, hey, I was… working on week seven of the needs and I don't understand what this thing here is. Great, let me explain it to you. And that's the best part. So the first 12 weeks, that's the intensive. That's like the boot camp, if you will. And then I highly encourage people, go back through it. Start back, take a couple months off if you need to, but go back through, start at square one again, because this is what life is gonna be like. What are your goals and intentions? Now's a beautiful time, January's coming up.

We were just talking about having setting new year's resolutions, doing all of this stuff. I'm having the support session tomorrow for the, I mean, by the time this comes out, it won't be tomorrow, but you know what I mean? And so all of this is going down and I love setting intentions. So the next time you go back through it, you're going to set your intentions. You don't know what's so cool. Your intentions and your goals are going to look different than when you got started.

Because before it was, I think I was reading what some of your intentions were before this. It was just to learn how to stay regulated, learn how to communicate to your husband a bit more when things are going down, and learn how to just kind of like, I think it was something to the effect of wanting to control yourself more or something. But now your new intentions might just be even more than that, which is like, hey, I want to do my somatic repetition more often. now I want to love on my husband more, not just learn how to not yell at him. Right? Like that's the next step. And then you do it again.

Carol

This, and I hope that whoever's listening hears this. Like my husband, I know he's noticed a change in me and it's amazing because that's what I wanted. I wanted it to improve our marriage. Not that I've had a bad marriage, but I just wanted to be able to work on whatever roadblocks we've had, you know, over the past 20 years and working on me has helped me to help him, you know, to be more loving towards him, to work on the communication and it's just been awesome to be able to be like, you know, what can I do for you? Like to not be so caught up in my own head and in my own stressors, but to look outside of myself and be like, okay, you know, how can I support you? And that's the person that I want to be.

Jenn Noble 

I remember there was a really cute moment between the two of you where you needed to vent something out. Tell me about that.

Carol 

Yes, yes, yes. We both try to, like I try to do check-ins with each other because we both work full time and we don't get to talk much. And he had something happen that day and he had a rough day and I had a rough day and I really, really wanted to talk to him about it. But he was having his moment and having a rough day and I asked him if it was okay. I was like, is it okay if I share with you how my day was? Cause it was kind of rough or would you rather me wait till later?

Like I actually asked him, instead of just blurting it out and getting it off my chest like I would have in the past, I wanted to make sure he was okay to receive that in that moment. That was more important than-

Jenn Noble

And my favorite part is what he says next, though.

Carol 

Basically he was like Well, he was basically like well, can you wait he said or are you just going to like die to tell me like because he's used to me well I got this out and I said no I can wait and he what you could tell you was shocked and he was like, well, thank you and It was it and we did he waited he waited and we ended up talking about I think it was either later that night or the next morning and everything was fine

Jenn Noble 

Yeah, you waited. That's the best part there. Because how many times have we all gone into something and been like, hey, can I tell you something? But it's fine. I don't have to tell you if you're busy. And they'll say something like, I am busy. And you're like, well, that mother effer. What the hell? There's that covert expectation that we have when I talk about those sometimes. And my favorite thing about this was him. And this is a testament to you and your healing and your strength but his ability to say no to you meant you were creating a safe space to be able to do that in.

Carol 

Yes, yes. And that's something else that has changed dramatically is he's been opening up. He's been opening up so much more and telling me what he needs and venting and talking about his concerns and not just trying to carry it at all, know, carry it all. And that's huge for him because he's not a very, you know, open person. Like he just tries to hold a lot of it inside. And the fact that he has felt safe to share those things with me.

And I recognize it in that moment and thank him. Like, thank you for being vulnerable. Thank you for sharing, you know, your struggles with me. That's what I'm here for. We're here to help each other. And I don't think that would have happened before. Like, all of this has come about through the program. It really, really has.

Jenn Noble 

And I bet that's just made your connection even deeper with one another, because you know there's a level of trust. And I know the two of you are going through a lot right now, so you both have to just kind of have an understanding. having that with one another, having that safety, having that ability to connect deeply because you know you're doing it when you both are ready, it's allowing your needs buckets to fill up so much more than if you were just trying to get it in whenever you could. You know what I mean?

Carol

Yea

Jenn Noble

That's what I just, I love to see between the two of you. Cause he's always been such a supportive husband. And I had a chance to talk with him before we even started the program. I still want to have him on the podcast one day. You got to tell him when things slow down. I need a male perspective on here. I can't wait to have him on.

Carol 

Maybe you could say, tell me the differences you've noticed with Carol.

Jenn Noble 

That would be so fun. And he's going to be like, well, and I love that. All right. Well, listen, we've talked for so long. I could talk to you all night. You know that. But as we wrap up here, is there any advice that you would like to give to someone starting out on their own journey, on their own healing?

Carol 

Well, number one, give yourself grace. Don't expect perfection. There's no such thing as perfection. One step, one moment at a time. And it may just be a baby step. It may be a tiny step, but it's a step in the right direction. And that's what matters.

Jenn Noble

Mm, that's stunning. I love that so much. And is there anything else that you want to share tonight or about your experience in the program before we wrap up?

Carol

It's amazing. If you're on the fence about it, if you're thinking about joining the relationship reboot program, do it, do it, do do it. You won't regret it. I'm so thankful. And I feel like I've made, know, hopefully lifelong, lifelong contacts and lifelong friends, lifelong blessings. There's just so many reasons to do it. So go for it.

Jenn Noble 

I love to hear that. Thank you so much, Carol. And thank you for coming on here to share your journey. It's so meaningful. It's going to be so impactful to so many other women that are listening. And again, you're just such a delight. Thank you so much. I will talk to you later. OK, we have a couple more group coachings to do before we finish up. So I will talk to you then. Take care.

Carol 

Great, thank you.

Jenn NobleI am just so grateful for Carol, for her vulnerability, for showing up here, for doing the before and the after podcast, for putting in the work every single week in the program to come in, do the hard thing and to show up. And even in those moments when she couldn't finish her homework, when she couldn't show up every time, I'm so proud of her for continuously still striving and pushing through in her healing journey. I don't even think we covered

Every single story that I have heard from her throughout this program of the amazing things she's done with her family, with her husband, with her friends, with her boss, with her coworkers. She is blossoming and it is amazing to honestly just be a part of that in her journey. is, I say it, I think you hear it in my outro. It is an honor to be a part of your healing journey. I don't say that lightly. I truly don't like the fact that these women in the program right now trusted me? I mean, who am I? They don't even know who I am. And they trusted me. They honored that. And they came in. And I have seen so much growth in every single one of them. It is just outstanding. wish you could hear from every single woman, honestly. I think that you would just be mind blown. We'd all be in tears. And it would just be amazing. But the way that these women have really worked together.

The way Carol said the community that just got built. wasn't expecting that either, but they're becoming friends. They're reaching out to each other. They've gotten each other's, know, phone numbers and they're texting each other and they're going to meet up afterwards. And it's like, wow, this is what we could be doing. These are the people we could be filling our lives with. And this is what we need to heal. actually just gotten this amazing conversation today in the, in the group coaching call where we were talking about how, know, you get to choose who you get to be.

So you are your favorite person around someone who makes you feel good. And that's what makes you like that person. What makes you like this person is because you like yourself around them. And so we got in this really deep philosophical conversation about, well, is that healthy or not though? Because what I wanted to explain to them was co-collaboration is important. It's not just about being able to never be triggered when nothing is going on. It's about picking and choosing and selectively having people in your life who lift you up. And that's what the Speak Honest community does. And that's why I'm just so excited to be doing this program again on January 13th. And if you are sitting there and you sound like Carol and you have this family and you just don't know how to regulate your emotions and you just don't know how to communicate, I want you to schedule an attachment assessment with me. You can go to speak-honest.com forward slash assessment.

The link is also in the show notes. If you are on Apple podcast, just scroll, scroll, That'll be one of the links in the show notes right there. Click on it, schedule an assessment with me. Just, just chat with me. That's all I'm asking. I love, love, love getting to talk to the women in my circle. There are what 1400 women in the Facebook group right now. And I've chatted with what maybe 65 of them. Come on. There's so many more women I could be talking to. I just want to get to know you. I want to know how I can help. What do you need?

Maybe it's just the podcast. Maybe you like coming to the free weekly support sessions that we have on Wednesday nights. Maybe for you, you just like to come in the Facebook group and have a community, or maybe you're feeling that pull to join the program on January 13th. And if that sounds like you, any one of those situations, please schedule an assessment. Speak-honest.com forward slash assessment. But with that, I will say thank you all so much for coming along on this journey with Carol and I, and I will speak to you later. Take care.